Questions compliments of Kaya!

What do you do in your spare time?

Quite honestly? I fret. I worry about big things, little things, nothing and everything. I become terribly consumed with worry and dread if I’m not occupied. It’s a skill, I’m sure of it. (This so was not an essay, but I forgot to tack it on to the last one. Whoops!)

What’s your favorite tv show/ movie/ book/ band/ solo artist (I stole that one from Amber )

I will probably NEVER get the chance to talk about these things in here again, so I’m going to milk the opportunity. Sorry!

Television Show:

Comedy – The Office.

Drama – Well, they mostly suck big, hairy ass. Dexter makes me practically piddle with joy, though.

Movie:

Comedy – Hands down, it’s Home for the Holidays.

Foreign – (I like foreign movies… Mainly because I like to pretend I understand Spanish.) El Laberinto del Fauno (Pan’s Labyrinth) was phenomenal. Maria Full of Grace was great. Even though I had to watch it for a Spanish professor, I actually liked Diarios de Motocicleta (Motorcycle Diaries).

Drama – Hrm. This is hard. This is also just going to be a small grouping of random movies in bunches of genres because I suck at making decisions.

The Shawshank Redemption never fails to make me soar inside. Saving Private Ryan was brilliant. Children of Men was stunning, all around. I loved American Psycho. Donnie Darko made me happy, and the musical selections for that movie were phenomenal. Fight Club rocked my world, Heat blew me away, Memento was original, and The Usual Suspects is destined to be a classic for decades to come. I could probably keep going and going and going. (In fact, I deleted about ten movies outta here at random to cut down on rambling.)

I’m far more interested in discussing movies I didn’t love that everyone else creamed their pants over. But that totally wasn’t the question though, now was it?

Book:

Just to be different… I’ll tell you my favorite picture book. It’s The Mysteries of Harris Burdick, by Chris Van Allsburg. It sends shivers up my spine, even at twenty-six years old. I have an autographed copy (which I am totally going to show off here, though with my name blacked out), and I have urges to sleep with it under my pillow and caress it creepily. Heart, heart, heart. I’ve also got an autographed copy of another of his books, Jumanji. I love it with almost the same level of creep.

Music:

I listen to everything. No, really. Ev-ree-thing. From Korean hiphop to Janis Joplin to British punk to Australian rock to Louis Armstrong to a capella. I don’t really have favorite bands or artists.

I guess I’ll just give a few widely varied examples. (Laugh at me at will.)

I think Miyavi is kick ass. He is a Japanese musician, and here he is performing Selfish Love live. I think live is the only good way to judge a musician, btw. (Song doesn’t start until about 1:35 in.) AND… The fun thing about foreign music is that I have NO idea what’s being said, and it’s so amusing to try to hear “English” in the lyrics. For instance, in THIS song, which is by Jang Woo Hyuk, there are some Korean phrases that sound seriously suggestive if they were English. I watched it and was all “Damn, he can DANCE” and Antonio was all “Did he just sing about a ‘bended cock’ there? Yes, yes he did.” (If you can make it past the hilarious English intro, and about 20 seconds into the song, you’ll hear what Antonio means.)

In the world of British music… Hrm… I love the Manic Street Preachers… As well as Morrissey, The Smiths, The Libertines, and Dirty Pretty Things. Among others.

(Looking on YouTube, I’m realizing it’s WAY harder to get good videos of the bands I listen to. Maybe I should be pretending to like Britney Spears?)

I think The Grace by Neverending White Lights is a gorgeous song. The Arcade Fire does some great stuff. Rebellion (Lies) is fab, as is Crown of Love. (Both of those bands are Canadian, I think.)

My Happiness and Stumblin’ by Powderfinger are guilty pleasures. As is The Fighter by After the Fall. And Hard Act to Follow by Grinspoon. (Those are Australian bands which are pretty much rock and post-grunge.)

Tycho, Mogwai, and The Go Team do some fun stuff too.

I’m going to stop now. Because I obsess over music. Like Woah.

Are you two very much into pain play?

Ah, pain. If I were in control, there’d be pain, for sure. I’d just be VERY particular about it. I’ve had conversations, sometimes in the midst of being IN pain, trying to explain me feelings about pain and I usually end up gesticulating wildly and saying (in what can only be described as pure exasperation), “Good pain, bad pain. You KNOW?” To which he will reply, “No, I don’t.”

I swear sometimes I forget not everyone is a masochist.

So anyway… I love pain, sometimes. I like hating pain, other times. I completely loathe pain, frequently. He likes me to be in pain, perhaps more so (or just in different ways?) than I “want” to be. Which is fine, because I also happen to like not getting my way sometimes. Not all the TIME of course, ‘cause then I hate it, but maybe I like it, but… Well, you know. *makes sense*

I do think we have more to work out in the pain arena though. I think it’s going to take many many years, literally, for us to come to a place of harmony. And maybe not even then. Maybe it’s not about harmony. I dunno. Pain just means different things to me before, during, and after experiencing it, and I suck at communicating that. (See? I can’t even explain it properly here.)

So, we’re into pain play. VERY much into it? I don’t think so. I think it’s always evolving, though. I don’t think I or we will ever be considered extreme, though. At least not in the BDSM community.

Do you have a list of rules?

Yes.

And also no.

But sort of yes.

Only, no.

(I have officially quit trying to explain this after much backspacing and headdesking. I think it’ll have to be its own post. WOO!)

Is he very bossy, or just how much does D/s play a role in your relationship?

Ooooo. Good one. I’m gonna split it up.

Is he bossy?

Well, to put it mathematically – Antonio’s bossiness factor is inversely related to the degree to which things in his life are operating the way he wants them to.

In other words, he likes his life under his control, always and in all ways. (Well, all realistic ways. He doesn’t storm around all pissy because he can’t control the weather. I’d be so amused if he did, though.) But he doesn’t enjoy power for power’s sake. He always has a goal when he exercises his power and control. So if all his goals are met and I’m being a good girl? Nah, he’s not really that bossy.

But being dominant is his default setting. It’s something he is, not something he does. So if things get stressed or anything is out of line, he turns into The Big Bad Boss automatically. If I’m not acting right or he wants something changed? He’s incredibly bossy.

Just how much does D/s play a role in your relationship?

To be oh-so clear (you know, for a change)… It plays a teeny role and a huge role. Heh. I’m so good at clarity!

BASICALLY… D/s is not what this relationship is founded upon. It is, however, pervasive in every single aspect of the relationship. It is not a singular element of our relationship, it is a force that is imbues all elements of our relationship, to differing degrees. It could be removed, and everything we share is still here, perhaps just a bit hollowed, or something. If it had to be put aside, we’d survive as a couple. (It would depend on WHY it was removed, though, I think.)

Does that make any sense? Do I ever make sense?

If I don’t make sense (or if you just wanna), feel free to ask more questions, March ain’t over yet!

(Because exams are the most fun thing ever, I’m dividing the questions up sort of like a test format. Short Answer and Essay.  Which has actually given me an idea for multiple choice… Ha!  Anyway, not this time around. So, we begin with the short answer ones…)

First two are from Amber, rest from Kaya!  THANK YOU, ladies!  (FYI, I’m going to be answering all your questions, Kaya.  I’ve just got to take ‘em in sections.  Probably out of order, due to my spastic nature.  Woo!)

When do you think you’ll be able to take that step of being together full time? Just curious on your history and future.

Getting my degree had always been a huge hurdle for me because of my mental health.  I left school repeatedly, (most notably after trying to kill myself my freshman year) for treatment, and to do random things like traipse about the country, and go live on a farm in the Bible belt.  Yeah, I don’t know.  I was mental, remember?

I always felt I NEEDED to graduate, I just didn’t think I COULD. Then I met Antonio.  And it might sound corny, but being and becoming his gave me the confidence, the drive, and the support I needed to simply know I was capable without mentally breaking down.

So about a year ago, I moved back in with my father, about 1,000 miles away from Antonio. See, my university had “residency requirements” and I had no choice but to finish my remaining classes AT the  university.  (I didn’t have to live on campus, it just meant that my final 32 credits could not be transferred in from another school.)

Antonio will be visiting in about two and a half weeks now that I’m all wound down with school.  (See the third question for full details on school!) I imagine we’ll do more discussion into Future Plans then. At this point?  I’m not entirely sure about a timetable…  It’s entirely, 100% up to him.  But, give me three weeks, and I’ll have something more concrete to tell you, even if it’s “And then he said he’d been waiting to tell me, face-to-face, that he fell in love with a chipmunk while we were apart and/or decided to become a priest.  So we’re kaput.”

(Terribly likely, btw.)

And how old are you both? If that’s private, I take it back! *smiles* I am 53 this year and my husband is 43 this year so…I just wanted to know!

I’m always wanting to know ages too.  I just turned twenty-six and Antonio is thirty-six.  We’re ten and a half years apart, which seems about the same as your age difference, only in reverse!  (I’m a Pisces and he’s a Virgo, in case anyone was curious.)

What are you going to school for and how much longer will it take you?

I majored in Psychology because it fascinates me.

I minored in Statistics because I’m a nerd.

Technically, I completed all my coursework for my Bachelor’s in January.  But so far, I’m the only one who thinks I’ve graduated.   I was a transfer student (I transferred from another university when I was 19, following the “Trying To Off Myself Fiasco of 2002”), and I’ve had massive issues with the paper trail from that transfer.  I would LOVE to rant about it, but I promised myself I wouldn’t bore you too much.

What do you do for work?

Right now, I’m a residential counselor.  I took the job a year ago when I set about finishing school, because the hours allowed me to attend classes during the week and still work a full-time position.  I work awake*** overnight shifts on weekends.   This weekend I worked an 11-hour shift, had six hours off, spent two of them driving, then returned to work for an 18-hour shift.  I promptly fell asleep for the last four hours of it, and was awoken by relief staff literally AS I was supposed to be dosing medication.   According to a recent survey, conducted in my living room, I’m extremely awesome.

***FYI, “awake” is code for “and I totally sleep during”

What experience in your childhood had the largest influence on your life today?

Oh, man, that’s hard. I’m going to focus on positive here, and say being homeschooled. I was homeschooled for two years, just before entering middle school.

I learned… I learned HOW to learn.  Before being homeschooled, I already knew how to seek out knowledge, how to lose myself in books, and how to take formal tests. But after, I knew how to truly process knowledge, how to find myself in books, and how to take something away with me from formal tests.

I could ramble about it for AGES.  But I’ll sum it up this way:  It was right in every single way that public education is wrong.  And then it was right in a million more.

I want to know about your favorite type of interaction with Antonio.

This is going to sound cheesy, so I’d like to preface this by saying I am FULLY aware of the cheese factor. I just can’t seem to help myself.

My favorite type of interaction is not limited to any certain activity. It’s anything we do (or that I do for him, even if he is not present) that makes time cease to matter.

Yep.  That’s the thing.  When I do something with him or for him, and that activity siphons away time’s ability to have an impact on my consciousness?  I’m a happy, happy girl.  It means I am totally immersed in HIM. And that’s what I love the very best.

OKAY!  I’m going to cap it there, because I’m tired, and I need to sleep for about a billion and a half hours tonight.  You’re all welcome to keep asking questions.  I really like having ready-made post material!

I am terribly fascinating – I’m SURE of it.

So, I’m officially going on posting strike until everyone who has ever read this blog leaves me massively interesting questions here.

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Okay, fine, that’s a total lie.  In truth, tonight I wanted to answer Amber’s question about my relationship.  BUT, I have to ask The Man questions about how specific I can get about my location, our lives, etc.  And he’s not home, and I forgot to ask him earlier when he was home. But, since I’m required to post today, this tripe is what you get.   My apologies.  I promise my next post will contain, you know, content.  *beams*

It’s March! Apparently, that means it’s time for me to answer questions.  Ask whatever you like, and I’ll attempt to answer.

But bear in mind, asking me questions is sort of like praying to God.  Because God answers all prayers, it’s just that sometimes the answer is “No.”