I frickin’ love that movie, fyi. I practically die of creepy-happiness when Kevin Spacey says “Become Wrath!” Ooo, I got shivers just typing it! (You guys are on a need-to-know basis and you NEEDED to know that.)

So here’s the deal. Vanillaimpaired tagged me. And I gotta:

Rules:
1. Link to your original tagger and list these rules in your post
2. Share 7 facts about yourself in the post
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post, leave their names & links to their blogs
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged

So. Seven random facts about me:

ONE – My freshman year, when I was still pre-med, I had an 8:00am Friday morning Gen Chem exam.  I (naturally) prepared for said exam by going to a frat party the night before and getting HAMMERED off my face. I remember standing outside the bar where it was being hosted, with a random frat brother holding onto my hips to keep me from falling over while I was talking to my liver. Seriously, I was having a conversation with it. He (not my liver, the frat guy) put me in a cab with my friend and sent us back to our dorm.  I promptly puked until 5:00am and stumbled into the 8:00am exam only slightly more alive than a zombie. And it was the best Chemistry score I ever got.

TWO - For the most part, I have good taste in films.  BUT, I have an unhealthy (and totally sekrit) love of cheesy sports movies.  I own Friday Night Lights, Invincible, The Rookie, Fever Pitch, etc.  I suppose Million Dollar Baby isn’t cheesy, but I own that too.

THREE – I really hate bowling.  Really hate it.  I’ll watch, but if you try to get me to participate, I’ll poke your eyes out.

FOUR – When I’m driving, more often than not I put on my directional by reaching through the steering wheel with my right hand to turn it on, not around the side of the wheel with my left hand like a normal person.

FIVE – My last car was a Ford Exploder (erm, Explorer, but we called it the Exploder because it broke if you even looked at it wrong) and I had a single bumper sticker on it that read “Eight Inch Fury.”   For the love of God, don’t ask.

SIX – When I was little and I’d take lollipops at the bank, or when I’d get them from the drive-through teller, I was ONLY happy if I got a messed up lollipop that had more than one color in it.  That’s right – I only liked the mistakes.  I thought they were prettier.

SEVEN – When I came out of a surgery when I was 8, my parents fondly recall that the first thing they saw was me waving to them from the hospital bed. They have both mentioned repeatedly in the 18 years since how encouraging it was to see that despite the anesthesia, the oxygen mask, my heavily bandaged neck, and the pain, I was still happy to see them and how good it made them feel to see me waving. The truth is, and I’ve never told them this, I wasn’t waving to them. I was really raising my hand to stare at the IV tubes coming out of it. That interested me, not my parents being there.

I’m an oddity, that’s for sure. 

I tag:

1. Tapestry
2. Kaya
3. Dk (When she gets back!)
4. Amber
5. Jenfrog
6. Hisbliss
7. And anyone who wants to do it, but didn’t get tagged!

SO. The delicious vanillaimpaired awarded me a Sexy Blogger Award.

*squishes up face*

Thank you! You’re a doll, imp.  (Now watch me muck this whole thing up and make you regret it…)

…This award comes with some rules. You are to list 5 sexy things about yourself and pass it on to 4 other people.

Well. There’s a problem here. I’m not sexy. Plain and simple – I’m not. And before anyone gets all “dude” about it, don’t worry… I’m not saying that in an emo “Oh, woe is me, I’m so unattractive and the world hates me and I’m such a unique self-hating snowflake of sadness and doom” way.

I’m just… fat, ugly, too-tall, and klutzy. I don’t have a nice smile, my eyes and my lips are lopsided, I don’t have great hair, I’m not flirty-witty, I’m not brave in the face of adversity, I’m not able to feel confident or capable most of the time, and I am graceless all of the time.

Don’t get me wrong – I am in love, I am loved, and I am literally as happy as could be. I just don’t possess a single “sexy” quality recognized by me or the world at large.  So if you ask ME what’s sexy about me?  The answer is honestly “nothing.” 

I’m okay with that.

The sexiest thing about me is the guy I get to call my Master. So, I’ll go ahead and list five sexy things about him, kay? In no particular order…

1. His intelligence. I know, I know. Being “attracted to his mind” is horrifically cliché. Trust me, his mind won’t be the whole list, but it’s definitely a big item. His intelligence is the fertile ground from which grows his confidence, level-headedness, courage, conviction, patience, and ingenuity. It makes him capable, always. And as a submissive woman, I find that level of intelligence with its corresponding level of capability incredibly sexy.
2. His drive. This is a quality I have always felt is necessary and irreplaceable in a man. He needs to be DRIVEN. There is nothing less attractive than apathy, and there is something so sexy about a man on a mission.
3. His skin. He looks and feels like he’s made of warm caramel. His Spanish-Italian blood gave him the most gorgeous mix of olive and cinnamon coloring.  (I’m always shocked people don’t just walk up to him and try to lick him.)  And he naturally burns a few degrees hotter than a normal person so he’s always warm to the touch.  My personal caramel furnace.
4. His politeness. I admit it, I love that he’s civilized. I love that he can do the whole spectrum from depraved to classy, and has no trouble blending in or standing out, depending on a situation, and he always feels comfortable.  That’s HOT, to me.
5. His voice. Specifically, the way it sounds first thing in the morning. It’s indescribable, but I’ll give it a shot:  It’s like gravel drizzled with honey… like sandpaper and velvet… like sex dragged over broken glass.

*gurgle*

Damn, now I’m practically drooling.

I HEREBY TAG, IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER…

Amber – I dunno if she can top her last post in the “sexy” department (two words for that post – damn son), but I’m hoping she’s up for a challenge!

dk – Obviously, this is longer than a 5-item list. But I’m really curious what five things she would pick about herself.

Kaya – I will cry, loudly and unashamedly, if this is not a pictorial post. Srsly.

Lexi – I’m 100% sure she could just post the link to her “clock legs” youtube video, and all us readers could make (totally non-creepy, omg, NON-creepy) long lists in our heads…

A note for those I tagged:  I broke the rules here, and didn’t post about me. You guys are totally not allowed to do that now, because it’s been DONE. By me. I may not be a unique self-hating snowflake of sadness and doom, but I AM a unique rule-breaking snowflake.  So you must post about yourselves. *stern* And don’t hold back if the urge to take pictures should ensnare you. In fact, in those cases, make it like a ten or twenty-point list. 

Annnnnnd, go!

So.  I’m BACK.  And I’m totally going to be writing about it, but I’ve got to ask Antonio some questions first.  And he’s currently trying to sleep. (At home, far away from me again, boo, dammit, fucksake, I hate the world.)

In the interim… I’m going to steal a couple memes from miss Kaya which she posted here.  Enjoy my responses.  Or, you know, don’t.  It’s up to you, man; I’m not gonna judge.

List five songs you’re REALLY into right now and then tag 5 more people:

1. Finding Me by Vertical Horizon. This song reminds me of what I’d want to say to someone who disagrees with my lifestyle. Yanno, if I were lyrical and shit. “Don’t tell me how to be, ‘cause I like some suffering. Don’t ask me what I need, I’m just fine here finding me.”

2. Handcuffed to a Fence in Mississippi by Jim White. I like this song because Master introduced me to it. There’s something catchy about it. Things really ARE always better than they seem. Oh, and if anyone actually watches this video, sorry! I have no idea what the show Supernatural is but… This fan video of clips from the show is apparently the only way you can hear the song on youtube. *shrug*

3. Selfish Love- Miyavi. I just can’t describe how hard Miyavi rocks. Holy hell, he just owns everyone’s faces. I don’t have a CLUE what is being said in the lyrics (aside from the words “selfish love”) because it’s all in Japanese, but the guitar work and the song make it so it doesn’t even matter. I think that’s the sign of a good song. Please, please watch the video. Song starts a minute in, if you don’t want to watch the guitar intro. I can’t find a version where the audio lines up perfectly, but… It’s okay. He’s funky enough that shouldn’t really be the main “whoa” factor. I adore Miyavi endlessly.

4. My Happiness by Powderfinger. Total guilty pleasure on my part. Yum.

5. Now We Are Free from the Gladiator Soundtrack. This song is in, uh, some language, and they are singing about, erm, something. I dunno, I got nothing, I just think it’s beautiful.

I tag everyone who thinks it’s hilarious that when Stephen Colbert was on the Today Show and was asked if he ever Twittered, he replied “I have twatted.”  I’m so sad they cut it out of the broadcast – it was gorgeous.

The Controversial Survey

Would you do meth if it was legalized?
Nah.

Abortion: for or against?
Who wrote this thing?  Who on Earth thinks anyone is “for” abortion?  No one is, genius.  Some people are against it, and some people are for the choice to have one, yes…  Anyway, ignoring that idiocy in question formation, I am personally against. I have never and would never have an abortion. But say I had been raped by my uncle when I was 9 and conceived? You can bet your ass I would have wanted to know it was an option. And I have a deep moral issue with saying that right should be denied to any little girl in that position.  “Sorry sweetie, what your uncle did was wrong, but not wrong enough so you shouldn’t have to be taken out of school, endure a pregnancy your body is not ready for, and whatever might come with that in terms of physical and emotional baggage.”   Yeah, I would never ever ever be able to say that.  But this is not a black and white issue.  Nothing is.  Things like age of viability comes into play, etc.

Would our country fall with a woman president?
You mean faster or harder than it’s falling with men in charge? I don’t know. I think, in recent history, men have been doing a fine job of running us into the ground all on their own.

Do you believe in the death penalty?
In theory, yes.  I believe there are people who deserve to die. (Please see the second to last question!) But in practice?  No.  I don’t think there is an ethical way to say our deeply troubled and fallible legal system should be allowed to incorporate a policy like death into its punishments.  Nope.  Since 1973 I think about 130 people have been pulled off death row and exonerated.  So to me,  that means our legal system gets things WRONG.  Therefore, with such a fluid and dynamic and flawed system of crime and punishment, a static and final punishment such as death does not make legal or ethical sense.

Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
I’m too high to care.

Do you believe in God?
Not in any conventional sense, no.

Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Yes, unequivocally.

Do you think its wrong that so many Hispanics are moving to the USA?
Er, why would anyone think that’s wrong? We are all operating under the same definition of Hispanic, yes? By the definition used in most US government departments and the US census, my Master is Hispanic.  So what the hell is wrong with Hispanics? Or did this person mean “Do you think it’s wrong for immigrants, coming mainly from Mexico, to settle in the US illegally?” Probably, but this person is clearly a dolt. What I DO think is wrong is the misuse of the word “its” in the question. Whoever wrote this ought to forget contemporary sociopolitical issues and go the hell back to elementary school, kthnxbi.

A 12 year old girl has a baby..should she keep it?
Yes, but… If and only if one, she wants to and two, she has the social, monetary, emotional (etc.) support necessary to raise a child. If she doesn’t want to or isn’t able to, then no.

Should the alcohol age be lowered to 18?
It’s utter insanity that a person in the US can vote for president, get married, and die for his or her country but can’t have a beer. Legal adulthood and the drinking age should both be the same, and since I’m past the age of both, let’s say it should be 21, shall we?  I think we shall…

Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Yes.

Assisted suicide is illegal..do you agree?
No. Absolutely not. I’ve watched pets and people die slow, painful, horrifying deaths. I’ve been in the hospital rooms and hospices as grown men lay withered beneath sheets, wasting away for days or weeks, losing lengthy and cruel battles to insidious diseases we cannot cure. I’ve seen doctors administer pain medications that make morphine look like children’s Tylenol and still have the patient screaming in pain. I’ve watched and listened to two people I knew personally lie in beds and breathe an unmistakable and chilling death rattle. I’ve never heard anything else like it in my life, and so help me, I never want to again. And if someone in that state of being wants to scrape a last moment of control and dignity, and die on his or her own terms? There is no question in my mind that should be 100% legal to help him or her do it.

Do you believe in spanking children?
“I do, but with lots of qualifiers. The child’s age, how it’s done, what it’s done with- that sort of thing. I don’t necessarily think that physical punishment is the answer for every mistake, but when you need to make a point pretty quickly, a swat on the ass can sometimes shock them into listening better.”  (I copied Kaya. ‘Cause that’s exactly it. Only I added an apostrophe, because I’m insane.)

Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
”I probably would do just about anything for a million dollars, though if I did this one, I’d have to be prepared to be disowned by both Master and my dad. Soooo… No. I wouldn’t.”  (Holy lolerskates, Batman, I copied her again! That’s exactly it for me too, right down to the same people who might disown me.)

A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case, Do you agree?
First of all, no one is “declared innocent” by way of a temporary insanity defense. They are, by definition, making an admission of guilt, but arguing they should not be criminally liable for their actions. (Incidentally and for the record, I think the person who wrote this ought to be ruled permanently insane.  Or stupid.  Whichever.)  Anyway, no, I don’t agree.  I have a biological reaction to this one. I don’t care who you are or how insane you were – temporarily or not – if you KILL CHILDREN, I swear on everything I hold dear I will kill you back, you rotten piece of scum. Humans are diverse creatures, but we have a few things in common. Namely, that we’re human. And I believe if you can murder a member of the future of the species, you have effectively given up your right to be a part of the human race. And it’s time for you to die.

Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Nah, I ain’t skerd. Bring it.

OKAY!  that was fun.  And I’ve written another post about my little vacation, but I gotta ask The Man a few things before tossing it up here.

The always amazing Kaya gave me a Friend Award!!!

It included the following pass-it-on paragraph: “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.”

I was so ridiculously happy, humbled, and slightly emotional. Thank you, Tess. I have found great comfort, gained much insight, and been given many laughs as a result of reading your blog. I feel I owe you some kind of debt for sharing your time and words with the world at large.

According to the rules, I had to give he award to eight other bloggers who hadn’t already been chosen. Upon reading this, I came to a realization… I am somewhat lame, and don’t know that many bloggers yet. My limited reader is basically full of people who have already gotten the award.  (Rightfully so, I might add.)

*sulk*

But, because it’s me, I’ll take the opportunity to ramble a little about friendships.

In my real life, Antonio is my best friend, hands down. I know, it’s a groan-worthy cliché, but it’s also completely true. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a best friend, except he won’t let me paint his nails. (Hey, nobody’s perfect.)

Aside from The Man, I have a close circle of long-time friends. I chose them early, and I am proud to say I chose them well. Some of us have become separated by long distances over the years, but all of them I’ve known for over a dozen years. I’m only 25.

Then there are my fellow bloggers! I have found some truly amazing people here. It seems a little tacky to name them, so I won’t. I hope they know how much I care about them, their words, their support, and their lives.

These bloggers, particularly the group of (mostly) submissive women I come into contact with, often claim they “make bad friends.” But I don’t think that’s necessarily true.

I think we, as devoted servants, can have less time and freedom to spend on our friendships, yes. But I think the time we do spend on each other becomes more concentrated and powerful and important as a result. There are people I spoke to daily in high school and considered my “friends,” but I was barely bothered when we didn’t keep in touch after graduation. Yet there are people here I have spoken to much less often, over a much shorter period of time, yet I find myself deeply affected by them, their ability to share, and their willingness to get to know me and support me. I have even found myself upset to think I might be disliked.

Now, I am not one to care if someone unimportant to me dislikes me. And if someone I dislike has a problem with me or someone I love? Watch out, because I have no reason to hold back. I do, however, feel bad when someone I care about dislikes me. It hurts, and makes me generally desperate to find out what’s wrong, what I did, and what I can do to make up for it. I’ve had fights before, with other friends, and Antonio has to stop me from groveling, essentially. At this point in my life, I have taken a route of silence when I think I am disliked by someone I want to be friends with. If someone seems to have a problem with me – silently, overtly, loudly, or even cruelly – I make every effort to simply make myself small and quiet. I try to let everything slide, I don’t engage, I don’t force myself upon them. I used to, in answer to my desperation to find out what was wrong. But not anymore.

I wonder, sometimes, if this comes across as cold. Or uncaring. It is quite the opposite. I only do it IF I care. If I didn’t? I’d do whatever I pleased, and not take into consideration how someone felt about me. But if I think someone is negatively affected by interaction with me, I will make an effort to hold myself back from interacting. But still… I wonder if this is the wrong route to take. If it is, I’m unsure what the right one could be.

In any case, the deep connection I feel to some bloggers has become very important to me. I love that I’ve been allowed to have a blog (thank you, Master), and to meet and interact with such incredibly strong, devoted, intelligent, funny, and caring women.

I know some of you will continue to maintain that slaves make bad friends. But you don’t fool me. I think you are wonderful friends.

You are all stars. Shine on.

If you’re looking at this entry and thinking “Hey, Chloe, did a meme just throw up all over your blog?” then I’m here to tell you… Yes. Yes it did.

I decided conventional memes were boring. (Incidentally, that was code for: “The one on Kaya’s page is, like, real questions that demand real answers, I’m too sick to think that coherently, plus it includes questions I’m not allowed to answer and  that made me sulky.”) So! I decided to get a generator involved and play with pictures instead.

I rock.

Here’s what I did:

• Took the last ten people who commented on my blog, and shoved them, decidedly without their consent, into this generator.
• Answered the questions.  (I’m using the word “answered” loosely.)
• Plugged the answers into google image search.
• Plugged the first image for each answer this mosaic maker.
• And voilà!  An instant meme that is, somehow, more useless and time consuming than any other meme I have ever come across.  How do I do it?  It’s a talent, my friends, a talent.

1. lalana got turned into an animal! What animal is it?

A butterfly!

2. How did you meet dk?

This one time… In the dark and nefarious underworlds of the internet… We hung out and talked about kinky stuff. Don’t tell anyone.

3. kaya suddenly knows all your secrets. What do you have to say about that?

Dude, that figures. 

4. What would you do if vanimp and lalana were going out?

Politely request pictures.

5. If M:e were to be mistaken for a celebrity, who would it be?

I’m going with… Angelina Jolie. 

6. Will Sara eat those green eggs and ham?

With relish! She’s adventurous.

7. Describe River in five words.

Someone who reads my blog?

8. Do you trust Kari?

Sure, why not?

9. If Sunnilady and vanimp teamed up, what would they most likely accomplish?

At first, I was going to go with world domination. But then I realized their avatars are a bum and a fairy girl. So I think they’d go around goosing people in a really lithe way.

10. puppy just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what?

Deny, deny, deny.

Clearly, I’m not tagging anyone against his or her will… Because honestly? I can’t attempt to force my depraved lunacy on anyone and maintain a clean conscience. Though I think people with the full use of their faculties and/or brain capacity should take this jumbled idea and make it into a meme that is actually fun.  Kthnx.

I’m going to go lie down for a bit.  I’m obviously ill. 

I got myself a letter from lalana.

Here’s the game:
You leave a comment (asking for a letter) on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on. 

My letter is M. (lalana went easy on me!) I will attempt to refrain from saying “Master’s ______” for every spot, but I make no guarantees.

1. Master (Obvious choice, I know. But if you ask me about things I love, he is number one. Everything else is going in no particular order.  But Master gets the top spot, for always and in all ways.)

2. Masochism (Or, wait. Maybe I hate it. Hrm… I never can tell.)

3. Marriage (I really, really want to get married. REALLY. Gimmie.)

4. Mmmmm (Okay, okay. It’s not a word or an object or a person or even an idea. It’s a sound. But I love it when it comes out of my Master.)

5. Manic Street Preachers/Mogwai/Morrissey/Muse – MUSIC! (I don’t know where I’d be without it. Everything from the music my parents played, to my embarrassing taste in music in jr. high school, to just listening to my brother play his guitar. Music is amazing.)

6. Midnight (This is my clever way of saying I’m not a morning person. I prefer the late hours to the early ones. BY FAR. I love the dark and the stars and the ability for midnight to be calm and alone, or frenzied and amazing.)

7. Mercy (I’ve needed it, much more than I can express. I’ve gotten it, and it’s more than I deserve.)

8. March (My birthday is in March, and my birthday is something I have only recently learned to love.)

9. Master’s Scent (This is cheating with the “M” thing. I know it is. I just fail to care. There is something about the way he smells… It’s intoxicating. I can smell him everywhere, and no one else seems to be able to smell him like I do. It’s like his scent was made specifically for me to experience, and it shines stronger than anything else. If he holds a piece of Tupperware? I can smell him on it. I absolutely fucking LOVE the way he smells.)

10. Me (Okay, fine. This one isn’t 100% true.  But I know I’m getting there, and I know the man responsible for it.)

On a random note…

Guess who started boilermaker tailgate chili at stupid o’clock in the morning today…

Guess who was busy last night cutting up all the ingredients so it would be ready to dump in the crock pot this morning, and got fucking capsaicin from the jalapeños on two of her fingers and her cheek and was in miserable, burny, can’t-wash-it-off, won’t-go-away pain…

Guess who immediately thought to herself “Hmmm, I bet this could be put to use elsewhere!” and had to quell a strong desire to test the effects of capsaicin on more sensitive skin…

Wait…

WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME?!?

It totally wasn’t me.

Pffft.

…

…

(But really.  Has anyone tried that?  Is it as horrible/awesome as I’m thinking it would be?  Someone needs to share.  Or someone needs to “let it slip” to their Master they omg-so-wanna-try-it, and THEN share.  It’s in the name of science, people.  Or, well, okay, it’s not.  But whatever, it sounded good. Science FTW!)