I bet I could find a lot of blog posts about this from the BDSM point of view.  But the truth is, I haven’t really looked.  But I do read lalana’s blog regularly.  And she talked about Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, briefly. And linked to HSMom’s post about it.  Which prompted me to remember “Hey!  I ranted about Twilight to Antonio!” 

Then I made the classic leap from “I’ve thought about this…” cleanly into “Clearly I MUST share my ramblings with the internet!”

I fear my logic may be crumbling there. (She says as though that’s ever stopped her…)

FYI, most of this was written to Antonio, after I had only read the first book.  So I don’t think there are any spoilers beyond book one. 

(ASIDE:  If you haven’t read Twilight, and don’t have the time/energy/desire to read the whole thing, or you just want to read an intensely hilarious chapter-by-chapter parody of it, go here.  That’s shinga’s livejournal and that parody makes me stupidly happy.)

 

Anyway… Twilight… 

 

My first thought was “Huh… Is it just me, or does it reads like a twisted BDSM primer for teenagers?”  Only… You know… Plus supernatural beings and minus any semblance of level-headed, open, honest talk about relationship dynamics.

I’ve noticed many people have judged the relationship between Mary Sue Bella and Edward as simply misogynistic, and I was intrigued. 

Maybe eighty pages in, I started noticing things…

When I reached his table, I stood behind the chair across from him, unsure.
"Why don’t you sit with me today?" he asked, smiling.
I sat down automatically.
[...]
He smiled again, and then he changed the subject. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you."
"They’ll survive." I could feel their stares boring into my back.
"I might not give you back, though," he said with wicked glint in his eye.
I gulped.
He laughed. "You look worried."
"No," I said, but, ridiculously, my voice broke.
(pp. 87-88)

 

Nothing big.  Not really… It just stirred something in me. 

 

Later, Bella gets sick at school after seeing blood. Edward sees her being taken to the nurse by another boy. He literally picks her up and carries her there himself, sending the other guy away. She shouts to be put down, multiple times. All ignored. Then she wants to go home, on her own, but he insists she go with him. To highlight that insistence, he physically DRAGS her to the car. She thinks about escaping and he promises to drag her back if she tries.

 

Legally, I’m fairly sure that amounts to kidnapping.  But Edwards is beautiful and it’s OMG TRUE LOVE, so it’s fine – just fine – apparently.  Even though, you know, they barely know each other and aren’t together or anything.  They just secretly love each other.  Except Bella actually thinks Edward DOESN’T love her at that point.  Uh, right.

 

In basic phrasing, Edward is overtly domineering. For example, even when he uses "please" it’s clear he’s not asking:

"Distract me, please," he ordered.
(p. 163)

 

Also, how Bella doesn’t "realize’" something until Edward commands she does it: 

 

"Drink," he ordered.
I sipped at my soda obediently, and then drank more deeply, surprised by how thirsty I was.
(p. 169)

 

For some reason, that one REALLY stuck with me.  

 

It’s that “I don’t know what I want until HE tells me,” situation, you know?  Hell, I experience that.  And I love it!  But victims of certain crimes eventually experience the same thing.  The difference, always, is consent, which (look, here I go finally getting to my point…) I never saw. 

 

I saw (eventual) affirmations of love, I saw rebellion on Bella’s part, I saw Edward struggle with his rage and desire to control and kill her… But I never saw Bella go “It’s okay for you to tell me what to do, to prevent me from seeing people, to have stalked me, etc.  I like that, and I want you to do it” in any concrete way.

 

(BTW, if anyone reading this saw consent, or has a theory like… Like I’m simply seeing through my own lens, because I AM in the lifestyle, and my interpretation is colored by that, please share!)

 

Another example is when Bella attempts to place conditions on a conversation with Edward. He warns her (with tone) that he’s absolutely not one to suffer provisions from the likes of her…

"I’ll tell you about it in the car. If…" I paused.
"There are conditions?" He raised one eyebrow, his voice ominous.
(p. 172)

 

(I swear, that line could come right out of the start of a BDSM story/fic/fantasy… Or whatever they’re called…)

 

And when Edward offers her a choice about something? She’s genuinely shocked he’s letting her make a decision all by her little self!

"Do you want to ride with me today?" he asked, amused by my expression as he caught me by surprise yet again. There was uncertainty in his voice. He was really giving me a choice – I was free to refuse…
(p. 197)

 

(FYI – EVERYTHING I’ve quoted thus far happens before page 200 and before they are really together as a couple… Yeah…)

 

Anyway, it made me think…

 

First, I don’t know that much about the Mormon faith, but my first thought was that perhaps Meyer’s faith follows the belief (or a belief similar to) Christian headship in marriage. (If you don’t know what that is, it’s summed up pretty well, direct from the source, in Ephesians 5:22-33.)

 

So I figured, hell, if that’s what the author is going for, and it makes the characters happy… Rock on, Bella and Edward!  Christian headship FTW!

 

But then things like this, beginning on page 302:

"That suits me," he replied, his face relaxing into a gentle smile. "Bring on the shackles – I’m your prisoner." But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists as he spoke."

 

And for three solid pages (until they get interrupted and Edward literally HAS to let her go) he keeps her wrists locked in his hands, manipulating her position with his superhuman strength.  He spends the time engaging in light conversation, such as talking endlessly about his seething rage-like jealousy when other boys so much as talk to Bella, how it deeply bothers him he can’t know precisely what she is thinking (and I mean every SINGLE thought in her head – he can read all minds but Bella’s) at all times, and how he came to watch her sleep at night while he wrestled with his desire for her and/or to suck her blood and kill her.   Not so Christ-like, yanno?

 

I mean, okay, I’ve seen Secretary. And this all struck me as a little bit like that. Not the same, obviously. But with elements of obvious domination and submission in a work of fiction.

 

P.S. – did anyone else go “HA!  Both men are named Edward… Tee hee hee!”  No?  Am I the only total dork here?  Figures…)

 

(Spoiler Alert for the next two paragraphs. If you haven’t seen Secretary and don’t want to know anything about it, skip down please!)

 

I thought Secretary was done pretty well. It was very clearly a life-changing (arguably life-saving) discovery on the part of Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character, Lee, that she wanted to be in submission to a man, specifically Edward Grey. And it’s difficult for them both to swallow that they had an urge for a dynamic that seemed so not normal. So they really had to hash it out, battle back and forth with desire vs. decorum, to come to their version of (what I believe was inarguably) consent, mutual understanding, and a powerful love.

 

There was no scene where they sit down and talk over their dynamic, but there was the scene where Edward tells Lee that they can’t do this every day, and she says “Why not?” and then how she fights for the relationship (desk scene = <3) because she CLEARLY loves it and loves him and is a better person for it and knows he is too. And they wrap it all up with the ending of domestic bliss.

 

I think love and possession can be mingled. (Duh.) Some see it as Christian headship, some simply as a more traditional marriage/relationship, some as BDSM, some as a bunch of FancyPants, internet-savvy terms I’ve probably never even heard of. 

 

And that’s cool.  I don’t take issue with any of that. But I took issue with Twilight.

 

My problem, and it was a raging problem throughout the book, was where the hell was any acknowledgment or consent of this dynamic?

 

Edward clearly has a very dominant personality, and Bella seems so swept off her feet that she likes anything Edward does… But she does make attempts to rebel.  Part of her is screaming “No, no, no, don’t listen to your raging hormones, no, no, NO!” And she seems complacent and obedient in many cases after minor rebellions are shot down, or her rebellion disappoints or angers Edward, and I’m just…

 

I’m just left thinking "Okay, fine. You want to be controlled. Or, wait. Do you? Do you even know? If you don’t want it, and you suffer it for some other reason, some pathology or personal issue, this is abusive. If you do, then dammit, people have to talk about it in SOME way."

 

And, honestly… It wouldn’t matter.  It DOESN’T matter.  Not to me. 

 

BUT… My fear is that other people will be in my “Huh?” position or at least have something niggling at them.  Or, worse, they might not even be questioning the element of consent in the dynamic. And, since the “people” who read this book are mostly young teen girls, this sort of controlling behavior will be viewed by the millions of them, and they will be subconsciously inundated with swooning and thinking THAT dynamic is true love, and what a good man does, no matter what. It can be a part of a healthy, loving relationship, but in other cases, especially those with immature teenage boys and girls involved, it is abusive, controlling, and un-fucking-acceptable.

 

If Meyer wanted to confront EITHER dynamic – dominance and submission, or abuse, that’d be great. But to tread water just enough so she doesn’t have to address either? That’s just gutless, in my opinion, and potentially seriously damaging to her fans.  I was 13 once too.  And I didn’t have a fucking clue.  And I was impressionable.  And hormonal.  And confused.  And emotional.  And desperately searching for something, even though I didn’t know what. And…  Maybe I’m alone in that, but I don’t think so. 

 

And my fear of “girls not simply identifying but wanting to become” is, I think, very founded. Because the trouble with Bella is that she’s a complete shell of a character – empty and meaningless – designed specifically so ANY girl can "be" her. (I actually went to the author’s website today, after writing this, and Meyers even confirms it.)

 

So if you’ve ever wonder why the books are so successful with teenage girls, wonder no more.  It’s because Bella is pure, unadulterated cliché.  She is nothing more than a list of adjectives – “pretty” yet “insecure” and “plain” yet “alluring” and “feisty” yet oh-so-swoonily in love with her soulmate,  a vampire who is seemingly unattainable and is head and shoulders (and centuries) above the rest.

 

I’m not saying these books are going to single-handedly encourage teens to seek out abusers, not at all.  I’m just saying…  Well, I’m saying that it appears that teenage girls have a tendency to forget the definition of the word “fiction.”  Like, hardcore. That post is from a film blog, and its crassness aside, I think it sums it up VERY nicely just how DEEP teenagers get into this stuff.  (I’ve heard other, much worse, horror stories.  A woman named Rosalie who literally hunted down and married a man with the last name Cullen, girls wanting to get pregnant, etc.) If anyone was questioning my assertion that teenagers are really reading into these books, how unrealistic and warped their view becomes in the midst of this flock mentality and obsessive fandom?  Well, read that post or google around a bit.  I really think I’m right that some girls DO take it too far. 

 

Anyway… It just seems irresponsible and worrisome.  A big “TSK!” for Stephenie Meyer, thus far.