You know, it’s awesome when Antonio is dominant over me (aka, always), but it’s assumed. It’s structured. It’s openly discussed and agreed upon.
Something I find incredibly alluring is something I can never experience myself. It is his dominance in other areas of life and over other people with whom he does NOT have any sort of arrangement, dynamic, etc. It is not forced or oppressive or anything. It’s just a manifestation of primal human dynamics. Antonio is, simply put, an Alpha.
He has natural dominance, and I love it about him. I love how people respond to him. I love how guys at his work will jokingly call him “boss” even if he’s not technically in charge. I love that he has a “don’t fuck with me” look, and I love that it works. I love that he’s calm and mellow and easy to get along with, but if his buttons are pushed he Takes Care of Business. I love that he champions the underdog, even though (or perhaps because) he’s never been one. He’s brave without being foolhardy, he’s confident without being (too) arrogant, he’s a lay-down-the-law type without asserting that he knows everything there is to know.
The man positively oozes “I’m the Boss. And a damn good one.”
He understands, intrinsically, what it takes to lead. Antonio is a born leader… But he’s definitely learned a few tricks along the way as well. Due, in great part, to that fact that he served – very proudly I might add – as a US Marine.
He’s seen and felt the results of different types of leadership and control. Everyone in the Marines serves their country, that’s sorta the point. But depending on the type of command soldiers are under, there are widely differing levels of devotion and service.
I won’t go into explaining it, because I didn’t experience it. One day, maybe Antonio will explain it in here. (Fingers crossed!) But, basically, his experiences in the Marines built upon and confirmed strong beliefs in how control is best handled and executed, and what types of control yield the best results in the short and long term. He’s been the boss of many, and been bossed around by many in a situation where walking away meant a court-martial.
I’m not saying being a Marine is the same as being in a D/s relationship. I’m not a total moron, I promise. But perhaps it is true that “good leaders must first become good servants.” It’s certainly true that Antonio has an immeasurably deep understanding of dominance, control, controlled passion, foresight, planning, strategy, grace in overcoming obstacles, the ability to admit mistakes without attributing personal faults, and how to inspire someone to want to lay down their life for a cause. He’s certainly got me hooked. 
While Antonio knows he is capable of forcing people to follow, he’s smart enough to know that inspiring others to follow is a far more important and potent skill. And the more I read about the behavior of religious fanatics, the more I believe faith, inspiration, and a desire to serve a higher power FAR outstrips any other method of enforcing obedience. ZOMG, Liek Woah. (Okay, I was kinda poking fun there, but seriously. Have you SEEN what those people will do? No method of torture, bribery, or threat I’ve ever heard of has inspired people to go to such extremes. EVER. Unbridled faith is, in my opinion, one of THE most driving forces on this planet.)
Antonio’s ability to inspire service through that kind of reverence and faith is, I think, stunning. He exercises his control very, very well. The evidence is in how I respond to him, and how my feelings have changed over time.
When I went into this, I feared physical punishment. Now, I fear his silence, I fear his disappointment. I don’t just hate them, I deeply fear them.
When I went into this, I used to imagine (and toyed with) misbehaving to earn a reaction or a punishment, on purpose. Now, I do not try to earn punishment, because manipulating his system for my benefit would feel disgusting. (That’s not to say I don’t try to hide my feelings sometimes, or do things he doesn’t want. I’m human, I’m in a position of extreme vulnerability, and I’m simply not perfect at being here. But there is no coy or selfish motivation behind my misbehavior.)
When I went into this, I was capable of making myself happy. Now, my happiness draws straight from his pleasure in my efforts, and it is a level of happiness I can not reach on my own.
Now… That last one gives me pause… But it’s probably a whole different post. Where the hell did I start this post? Oh, that’s right, his natural dominance.
I had started this just wanting to say I think it’s gorgeous the way he interacts with the world – as a naturally dominant human, without a single oppressive bone in his body. He doesn’t seize power, he is simply so capable of shouldering it, and shouldering it well, that power is often brought to him. I LOVE that about him. LOVE. Rawr.
(Omg, I had to cut this off because I basically started a second post. When I get going, I really get going…)
Lastly…. HUGE thank yous to vanimp, Coyote’s Kitten, kaya, Amber, and doubleknot. I miss my little girl a LOT. And I’m getting all teary again now. I’ve always had a very hard time with losing animals. I’ve seen so many people handle the deaths of pets with a lot more grace than I have ever been able to muster. You guys really made me smile, and feel a little warmer. Thank you so much.
(I just had to reformat my computer, btw. And I cannot make my feed reader work anymore. It should come as no surprise I’m in a COMPLETE state about that. I’m attempting to not creepily click on everyone’s blogs 40 bajillion times a day to see if they’ve been updated, but no promises, guys… And now, it’s off to work. I’m in a RUSH so forgive typos, please? Blame them on… Er, something. Your eyesight. Yes, that’s it. Typos are the fault of YOUR eyesight! *nods sagely*)