I make no apologies for my choice to remain anonymous, because I believe my reason is a good one. But I really do want to be honest with anyone who takes time out of their life to read my words. Even if honesty means saying, “I’m keeping this from you, and I just wanted you to know that.”

Now, this post could end here.  But, I actually have another point.  I want to explain why. 

Maybe I’ll start with the reasons that are NOT why I’m keeping my real name to myself… 

This has nothing to do with shame.  I am incredibly proud of my life.  I imagine (well, I like to imagine, at least) that most slaves are proud of their service.  I know I am. 

I also do not fear society’s reaction.  When it comes to society vs. my Man, there’s no competition.  Society be dammed.

I don’t fear my family’s reaction, either.  I might be saddened or hurt if they couldn’t accept me or wrote me off, but we’re family and I think we’d pull through.

But the reason is about my family. It’s because I love them.  And while I am entirely willing to have a personal disagreement with any member of my family, I refuse to put any of them in jeopardy.  I took a collar, they didn’t.  And while I will be punished within my relationship, I won’t let them be punished for my relationship.  Period.   

And if they simply didn’t agree with my choices?  Well, that’s not punishment for them, that’s life.  I’m not in the business of protecting their precious sensibilities.

However, I am in the unfortunate position that if my lifestyle were to be made public, I could jeopardize my mother’s entire career.  And, by extension, her source of joy, her financial stability, and her reputation.  And I will NOT do that to her.

She’s not “famous” exactly… Though in some circles I suppose she is.  I just have a hard time not giggling at that.  She’s my MOM, yanno?  But I have to admit, her signature is, more often than not, referred to as an autograph. 

Maybe I have no faith in society and maybe I am paranoid.  But maybe I’m right.  And if I’m right about the effects of exposing myself, then this blog identifying me (and hence, my family) could do a whole hell of a lot more damage than Antonio and I not getting an invite to Thanksgiving next year…  I could really hurt someone.  And I won’t do that.  Call it being scared, call it serving someone else, call it a limit – it is what it is.  And it stands.

I guess part of the reason I started this blog is because I HATE that I think I’m right about society’s reaction and the possibly damage I could do to my family. So I feel the need to voice my ideas, and add them to (what I like to think is a growing) current of voices that aren’t unrealistically sensationalizing this lifestyle, they are merely living it, and proving they are smart, normal, natural people.  I want things to change. 

Because one day (I hope), Antonio and I will be parents.  And I’m thinking many of you have read Catalina’s blog… So you may remember this situation.   Or what hisbliss has been going through with her Master and kids, which she talks about briefly here (and forgive me, bliss, I’m new to your blog and I haven’t read back far enough to know if you’ve blogged about it more completely in the past!  Lemme know and I can link to other things.)  And yeah, I’m scared of that sort of thing too.

I think adding another voice to the chorus of people who are talking about BDSM as a REAL lifestyle (aka, not sensationalizing it as some kind of surreal and brutal porn-a-palooza) is a good move on my part.

(Don’t take that the wrong way.  I’m all for some lovely and raunchy porn.  I’m just wary about what is out there, approaching the mainstream, that will affect how people think, people who could possibly stand in judgment of my family if I was found out…  Thazall.)

For now I just wanted to say that I’m not sorry I made this choice, but I am sorry I HAD to.. 

It’s not even something that really needs explaining online, I suppose… Many people lie or hide their identities.  But I’m BIG on honesty, and it bothers me that I can’t be honest with anyone who might read this about who I am.  A lot.  So I guess this post was more for me.