So basically NO ONE wants to show off their brainiac skillz on my last post.

It’s deeply sad.  I’m deeply sad.

On a “prize-winning” note, I’ve decided I’ll borrow Anne’s camera and shoot a small video tour of our condo and figure a way to show it to the winner. It’ll be tame – there isn’t a chance I’ll record anything identifying or even say anything kinky on someone else’s camera.  In fact, she’ll probably follow me around while I do it and want to see what I’m doing and make me show her the video after.  She’s nutso like that.  (I’ll totally be talking, though.  I can’t NOT talk.  I’m a blabbermouth. People say I talk too much.) So the winner will get to hear my super-stupid voice, and get to see the place I am calling home. If I closed the contest today, the winner would be subtle by a friggin’  mile, because she’s actually tried, and gotten 9 out of 14 correct.  (She made 11 guesses total.)

I might let her in on the action even if there is a come-from-behind winner, just because she played BEFORE knowing what the prize was.

To help her (and anyone else interested in having a go) I’m going to let you know which of her guesses were wrong.

Toast is NOT the movie Smoke.  But good guess, both are from 1995 and are one word. And now I kind of want to see Smoke.

Jogging with Chilly Feet is NOT Happy Feet.  Again, great guess – both are two words and from 2006.  However, the movie I’m talking about is just about as far from Happy Feet as a movie can get.  It’s a bloodbath. (Okay, so I’m just guessing Happy Feet isn’t a bloodbath. I’ve never seen it.)

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Uhhhhhh, what else?

I dunno.  There’s nothing really going on that you’ll care THAT much about… I’ve taken “stupidly busy” to a WHOLE new level this week and I swear, my life’s a disaster zone…  I honestly can’t remember where I was this weekend.  I’d have to check my nightly emails to The Man, and that’s like four mouse clicks away, so you can bet your ass I’m not doing it.  I worked, that’s for sure.

SUNDAY -  I know there was a conversation with The Man about oral sex which culminated with him asking me, “What’s wrong with false teeth?” after I had a cow when he jokingly (I hope) suggested that he might get my teeth removed one day. I swore a lot.  I should probably stop swearing so much – it has no nobility.  Ha!  Who am I kidding, there is nothing awesomer than a well-placed curse.

MONDAY – I fought traffic and went into the city to observe a presentation given by my new boss.   She’s positively kickass in action – no wonder her appearance fees are so high. But sweet Jesus, I hate city driving. 

TUESDAY - I was preparing for a nice, relaxing day off. Got up, got myself showered, ate breakfast, did some dishes, headed to the Post Office, and then my phone rang around 11:00am.  It was Anne, and she simply couldn’t tolerate being at work (and then something about some of her instruments being held up in customs in the United Kingdom and not being able to *insert words biomedical engineers understand and I don’t*). 

So she came home, we got ourselves ready and headed about an hour away from home.  Anne and I cruised around Nordstrom where we started talking about panty hose, she was saying… whatever that’s not the point of the story… Anyway, afterwards we hit up Whole Foods, then went to a BJs and got home around 10:00pm, exhausted.  We put everything away and hunkered down on the couch to chat and try to survive the “PET ME NOW OR I WILL SURELY DIE” onslaught of the kitties.   And then Anne and I got to talking… About this new guy she’s after.  And I though it might be unwise to tell her what I thought, but what is necessary is never unwise.  *nods* So I told her she was batshit insane for pursuing this guy and that he is not, in any way, interested in her. She’ll bounce back.  Trust me on this.

TODAY – I came to work.  At 3:00pm.  I’m still here (it’s about 8:30pm as I type this) and I still have 11.5 hours left on my shift.  Boo-yah!  I talked to my brother, Harrison, and we discussed (in essence) Paul Rudd watching himself dance in the nude.  It made sense. (Look, I probably should have told you this before but you see, well, insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.)

TOMORROW – In the morning, I’ll go leave work and go see the new boss-lady and help her with a few things – namely getting her schedule in order and ordering business cards – I’m thinking eggshell with Romalian type.  Then turn around and head back to work.  (Until I devise a better system, I’m just going to be calling the job with the boss-lady client “the new job” and my old job “work.”  Are we all happy with that?  Good.)

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Then I’ll… I don’t know.  Die, I expect.  At least I’ll be in my PJs.  If I’m gonna die, I want to die comfortable.

I’m tired.  And I’ve been having nightmares.  The last one involved an accidental pregnancy and The Man refusing to speak to me.  Like, he was there, but he wouldn’t open his mouth and make words.  And he was hitting on a 19-year-old piece of trash.  I hated her.  I tried to be nice since we were in school together and she was a former hooker trying to get her act together.  I told her, “I’m super proud of you for showing some initiative. Maybe I’ll even come to your graduation.  But right now?  Back the fuck off my man.”  She didn’t listen.  And he didn’t speak one word to me.

Anyway… I guess I should get back to work. Mop the floors and run the dishwasher and count meds and do the books and make sure all the documents are locked up  – all that good stuff.

I’ve decided I’m tired of saying “Anne, you know, my roommate” or “Patrick, my sort-of-brother who just got out of the Army who says things like ‘When you fall asleep tonight, I’m gonna fart in your face.’” and I really need to make a page here that has a list of everyone I talk about frequently.  I want to make one that has semi-anonymous photos of everyone, but I dunno if The Man would allow that. I wouldn’t want it public anyway, but I wouldn’t mind having a password protected one… Maybe I can make two pages.  A regular one anyone can see names and descriptions so anyone who reads can figure out who is who, and a second password-protected one with some pictures.  I’m a very visual creature, and I know how goddamn annoying it is to read a blog without pictures. We’ll have to see if he okays that.

I’ve also got a few posts in my head that will need to make it onto the blog soon.  I’ve got ideas about breath-play swimming in my brain, for one thing.  Stay tuned.  I promise I’ll sit still long enough to post for real soon.

In case you missed it, guys, there are CLUES in this post about 12 of the movies on the list.  There isn’t one for the first movie because it’s WAY too easy on its own.  And there isn’t one for #10 because that one isn’t in English…  But that’s kinda a clue in itself, hey?

So.  I’ve informed you this post is FULL of clues.  And  now you’re looking for the secret. But you won’t find it because of course, you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to work it out. You want to be fooled.