What magical word play. Like a frog in boiling water, only a DOG.
Anyway… I have several topics I wanted to blog about… Things that are probably actually relevant, too.
But I keep thinking about my dog. I figured I ought to get this out so I can move on.
She’s old. Her breed is supposed to live about 10-12 years. My parents got her when she was six months old. I was ten and my brother was eight, and everyone was expecting that if we took good care of her and were lucky, she might live until a ripe old age and pass away right about the time my brother was going off to college..
But, nope. She’s a trooper. And she will turn seventeen on Valentine’s Day. She’s a very, very old lady.
And recently, the conversation turns every month or so to, “Will we know when it’s time to put her down?”
Her progression into old age has been a slow one.
She has weak hips, but isn’t really in pain. She is much like an older puppy in terms of her bathroom abilities – has accidents in the house if she isn’t taken out every 2-3 hours during the day, and less frequently at night, or if she falls on a the slippery wood floors and no one is home to help her up. (We’ve gotten more area rugs for her, so this is less of a problem.)
She has doggy dementia, and will sometimes stand in corners and just stare. She’s not much a fan of being pet anymore except on her head and neck. She’s got no problem with us bracing her under her ribcage and helping her up and down the few stairs outside, though.
She eats well (though could probably put on a few pounds), her bloodwork is good, she doesn’t have any real medical issues.
She seems okay. But… Still. I know my brother is hesitant to move out to Manhattan, or Los Angeles – places where his particular skillset is in high demand – because he can’t take her. She’s more work than she used to be, and it would be impossible to care for her if everyone in the family worked fulltime 9-5 jobs. We don’t – we have odd hours (I mean, for example, I’ll be at work from 11pm tonight until 9am tomorrow.) But my brother keeps an odd schedule, staying up late until 2 or 3 in the morning, and then getting up at 6 to take her out if no one else is home, then back to bed. I won’t be living her all that much longer either, fingers crossed.
It’s just so hard with such a slow age progression as this one. It seems like there is a teetering balance that goes back and forth between whose quality of life is becoming an issue. Hers? Or ours?
I don’t think it’s right to put her down if the balance is in favor of our quality of life.
But will we KNOW when it’s time?
My mother was saying things today that confused me (and bothered me) even more. She went from “well, it’s different for a dog” to “she wouldn’t want to do this to you.”
No. No no no. Either it’s “different” for dogs, or you anthropomorphize them. Not both. Bah.
I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m going with this. It’s just TROUBLING me.
If something tragic happened, or if some “obvious” change happened like she stopped eating or her bloodwork came back bad or the vet said she was in a lot of pain… I think I’d KNOW it was time. Like the proverbial frog dropped in the boiling water. But right now, the water is just getting warmer and warmer, so very slowly. And I don’t know if I’ll recognize when it’s getting too hot. I don’t want to prolong her life past a point of endurance to save my own conscience. But I also don’t want to compromise my conscience and do it too soon – I don’t think I could carry around that guilt.
I know today is not the day, and tomorrow won’t be either. I don’t think it will be next month, in fact. But I know she won’t see her 20th birthday or anything.
It just sucks.
Hey chloe, I started a reply a few hours ago and got myself all upset and went and had a cry and now I’m back for take two…maybe…
I used to think about the poodle pup all the time and what we were going to do. Some days he’d fall over a couple of times and couldn’t get up and we’d be struggling to get him up again or he’d hit his head against the wall turning around and I’d be thinking, “Is it time?” But I really don’t know what would of happened if he hadn’t gotten the infection and we had no choice to put him down. If there had been no infection and nothing but the falling over etc. I know I couldn’t have made the decision.
It is such a horrible, horrible thing to have to do and for me, it had to be an ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER CHOICE scenario. This may be a little bit too much information, but we had to hold him down while the vet did his thing and the memory of it it is truly haunting me. Putting an animal to sleep is not something I could even contemplate doing because we had to move house or change jobs. I’d have to find another solution before I ever took the life of a part of my family.
I think you will know when it is time. In your heart, you will know.
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I think it’s time to let go, when you’re keeping the dog around for your own benefit, becuase you can’t let go, when her life no longer is worth it – to her.
I don’t know what more to say, so I’ll give you a poem I’ve read (and cried to) many times:
May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say goodbye to pain filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I’ve lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn’t want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and living light.
I want to go
I really do.
It’s difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you’re sad and afraid,
because I see your tears
I’ll not be far,
I promise that, and hope you’ll always know
that my spirit will be close to you
wherever you may go
Thank you so for loving me.
You know I love you too,
that’s why it’s hard to say goodbye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you’ll let me go today…
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We bring pets into our lives, often when they are very small and needing of so much of our care and attention. Over time, they grow and we do too. They become such an integral part of our lives and our days. Always, they depend on our love and our care, and in return, they love us with a devotion that is nearly unequaled. You will know when it is time. Trust your heart. You will walk that last bit of the journey with her because you love her, and it will be a time to celebrate all the good years you’ve shared.
hugs, swan
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Making that decision for a loved one is so very hard. There’s always that optimistic feeling that maybe the next day won’t be so bad, or that some respite or recovery is just around the corner.
I hope that when the time is right, it’s an easy decision.
Long-distance hugs from Canada.
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It’s never an easy decision and mine wasn’t either but watching her in pain and struggling and we could see she wasn’t happy anymore made me bite the bullet and do what was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. Smash had cataracts which caused problems with her sight, she wasn’t keeping weight on and her health was slowly deteriorating, she couldn’t jump up on her favourite chair and yelped at times because her hips were always sore with arthritis and she had toileting problems. They stay in your heart forever, you will know when the time is right. Listen to her, she will tell you too. I’ll be here for a shoulder if you need one. As many will. xxxx
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Oh how this strikes a chord. I had to euthanize my beloved setter 4 years ago…and it was hard. hard. hard. I knew, i knew he was ill. But he was…unaffected? slower, and his eye drooped and …then his “spark” went out. He just…and it happened so fast and there was a HUGE tumor on his chest inside and it was time to make the choice.
I sat on the floor and held that 85 pound dog in my lap and cried and cried. He lifted his head and looked me in the eye. and smiled at me. It was okay. I’d gotten the confirmation from him that it was okay. (sob) (crap. 4 years. I should be over this, right? sob. not)
Hand on her head. eye to eye. ask her. listen with your spirit. she;ll let you know.
hug. verry hard hug.
nilla
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