Kayfine, it’s not really about avatarS.  It’s about Avatar.

I saw it yesterday.  Harrison (my brother) insisted we see it in 3D.

I’m glad he did, because I had the intense urge to throttle the actors every thirty seconds or so, and the spectacular 3D made it seem totally possible.

Seriously, though, what an atrocious movie. The visuals?  Stunning, beautiful.  3D is, at this point, still a gimmick. But what a well done gimmick it was in this case!

Granted, it looked like they just stole Delgo and used images from that movie as a storyboard, so calling it original is a giant, lawsuit-pending joke.

But, aside from just unoriginal, the story was painful to watch.  Tragically clichéd.  I mean, literally every banality that has ever appeared in storytelling is present here.  (Is James Cameron really pretending he has been working on this story for decades?  For real? I’d be embarrassed to say that if I were him.)

I could tell I was not in love with the story instantly.  For one thing, it bothered me that the blue-monkey-kitty people were EXACTLY LIKE HUMANS.  Same bone patterns, same tendons, same ability to vocalize, same ways of doing their hair.  Hell, apparently they are gorwn the same way in utero since they even have belly buttons.  Every creature on the planet was some mimicry of an Earthling.  Horses, dogs, rhinos, pterodactyls, etc. If we go to an alien planet?  I can guaran-fucking-tee you it won’t be a goddamn mirror-Earth. The kajillions of evolutionary steps, bound by chance, by our sun, by our fellow creatures and their evolution – well, that level of “unique” is going to be pretty damn unique!

ANYWAY. The reason that told me I hated the story was because I can totally watch OTHER movies that do the same thing and not give a crap. Heck, it was recently I was happily enjoying Star Trek and ignoring the fact that there are a whole slew of “aliens” who are just like humans.  You craft a good enough story, and I WILL suspend my disbelief.   You throw banal bullshit at me and treat me like I’m stupid enough to get wrapped up in that, and I won’t grant you the suspension of my disbelief.

If you shove a prettily decorated turd at me and I might say, “Hey, that’s a cool looking turd!” but you know what?  Shit stinks, man.  And I’m going to notice.

Basically, I’m trying to say it was a really watchable pile of festering feces. There.  That’s my review.

You get sexy glasses outta the whole deal, though.  Just sayin’.

Also, I’m gonna reply to comments sooooooon!  (Kay’s memorial is tomorrow though, and I gotta get to cooking today and then work and then it, so it might not be until Tuesday.) I have to get better at replying in general (comments and emails, actually).  My problem is that my chloe/naturalorders email forwards to my gmail.  Which is pushed to my iPhone.  So I get alerts on my phone and, like a kid at Christmas, I go to read emails/comments as soon as my phone goes off. Then, of course, I can’t reply.  And I forget about it.  Comments just sort of stockpile…  Emails, I read, and think of things to say in response.  Then I don’t.  Because, while I CAN reply on my iPhone, I don’t know where the email will say it’s FROM. I want it to say it’s from Chloe, but I worry it might say it’s from my gmail.  (In gmail, on my computer, I can see where it says it’s sending from.  I can’t see that on the phone.)

I will have to find some manner of testing this. I don’t know quite how to test it myself because I get confused trying to think about “well, I’ll write myself an email from myself to myself from chloe to gmail then I’ll reply in gmail to myself from… *brainexplosion*”…  And I think I’d feel like a jackass for asking The Man to help me.  In fact, I imagine it would look something like this:

Me: Okay, so, I want to test something.  Can you send me an email at the blog email? Then I’ll reply from my phone, through gmail.  And then can you tell me what address it’s coming from?

Him: Why don’t you just reply to emails on your computer when you get home?

Me: Well.  Uh.  Because. C’mon, doooo it – help enable me and my stupidity!

(Actually… I might know how to test this on a guinea pig.  I’m a genius.)

I dunno what I’m going to cook for the memorial, btw.  I’m going to bring something I can actually eat because lord knows no one else will.  So I’ve promised to bring a veggie platter with dip, something sweet (I dunno what to do about this one.  Cookies?  Little tarts?  Bleh.  I blew my load early by making everyone super awesome almond roca for Christmas.  That would have worked and been SO simple), and I want to bring some savory appetizer or something that can work as meal-type-food.  I’d love to make mini tamales but it’s a LOT of work. Ergh.