I was thinking the other day (read: rambling in email) about my thoughts on fear and common sense.  I thought to myself, hey, self, you know what the cool thing to do would  be?  Force people to read about it!

So here you go.

I’ve never owned a key to my own home.  Never.  Not once. 

Hell, I don’t even know if we HAVE keys. 

Why?  My part of this world is a safe place.  Kids can play outside by themselves, cars don’t get locked in parking lots, and people don’t hurt each other.  (In fact, years back some crazy guy went off his medication and killed his mother and it was the first murder in 25 years.  It was OMG time.)

So we don’t lock our doors. Not even if we go on vacation.  Seriously.

I figured out it was not “normal” when I first heard the term “latchkey kid” as a child.  I asked my mother what it meant and had my itty bitty mind blown when I realized kids might need keys to their own houses.  OH, THE HUMANITY!

So I asked why we didn’t lock OUR doors.  My mother explained it to me like this: “I’d rather risk having a stupid TV stolen than live in fear.  Living in peace and calm every single day of my life is worth the infinitesimal chance my material possessions get stolen.  And besides?  If someone REALLY wants that TV?  My locked doors sure as hell aren’t going to prevent them from taking it. My fear will not save me, or it.”

That’s true around here.  If someone wants to steal something from you, they are on a friggin’ MISSION.  There just isn’t random crime. 

Now.  When I lived in New York City?  You can bet your ass I locked my door.  When my mother rents apartments in the city here?  She locks her doors too. 

That’s the “common sense” part.  Common sense tells you there is a GOOD chance of a break-in, or at least a random attempt that might be stymied by a locked door.  Common sense tells you the fear you have to inject into your daily life might ACTUALLY prevent something.

But when you live in a low-crime area, you’ve lived there for decades with no issues and you know it’s a very safe place?  Common sense would tell you that you don’t need to lock the doors.  Only FEAR would make you do it. 

And in the 26 years that I’ve been alive, my houses here have never been broken into, my car has never had anything stolen from it, I’ve never dropped a wallet and had it returned with a penny less than it had when I lost it, and I haven’t known a SINGLE person who has had these things happen either!  Not around my hometown.  So every ounce of logic, common sense, and rational thinking lets me know there is no reason to spend even 5 seconds every day being fearful and locking doors except, you got it, fear.  Five seconds for 25 years means I’d have spent almost two solid weeks in fear.

No thanks!

Sure, this is a society based on scaring people into doing things.  Turn on the news and even on a slow night there is SOME headline along the lines of “OMFG, Your refrigerator is trying to KILL you in your sleep!” or “The hidden, lethal dangers of walking your dog!!!”  So, yeah, people are conditioned to think that fear is useful and fabulous and saves their asses and it’s oh-so-smart to be fearful all the time.  To the point where they don’t even recognize that they are cloaked in it anymore.  Its so sad.  And it’s just bullshit in some cases.  So, for me, here in safe-world?  Convention be damned, I choose not to live in fear.

(Now, I realize most people would say, ‘I lock my doors but it doesn’t cause fear!” And I get that.  It actually reminds me of turning vegan.  I had NO idea how much guilt I carried until it vanished.  Not a CLUE.  And with the locking doors thing, I had NO idea how much fear was missing from my life until I moved to the city and had to lock doors.  Sure, it became habit… But it still occupied habitual checklists in my head… I had to remember to lock, remember my keys, ask myself if I remembered to lock the door and… Holy hell, I could not believe that sort of crap had to occupy ANY of my mental time never mind occupying it on a daily basis!  What a waste.  In the city, though?  Common sense dictates it is necessary.)

Anyway, that’s the difference between common sense and fear, in my world…

And it’s like that in my relationship.  I trust Antonio, because I’ve known him for years and because we’ve been through some shitty, shitty times.  Because he’s been proved to be a good man, because he’s proven himself to be a good man. 

In the VERY beginning?  Fuck yes, common sense told me to keep my guard up, to watch more closely, to second guess things he said and to second guess myself. 

Now?  Common sense tells me he’s a man who has weathered storms with me, who is loyal and amazing and who loves me and wants the best for us, and ONLY FEAR would make me challenge his every word or motive or intention.

And for better or worse, I refuse to live in fear. 

My common sense is still perfectly intact and pretty damn good – I’m no genius, but I’m smarter than the average person. And if someone happened that seemed truly wrong?  I’d be on it.  But, while things are not perfect at the moment, they certainly aren’t alarming or reason to live in fear.