Listen up, guys. I don’t read my stats, because they’re probably abysmal anyway. Okay, fine, I don’t read them because I’m an idiot and I would probably place some portion of my self-worth in those numbers.

The only stats I look at are the search terms some of you crazy folks use to get here. (My favorite this week is “transparent tube top porn.” Fucking awesome.)

I firmly believe I have one, maybe two people who lurk. This is because I do NOT understand what strange things must go through someone’s brain that would result in “and you know, I DON’T think I need to yammer at this blogger today, or any other day!” I need to yammer ALL the time. At everyone. No matter what. If anyone lurks and reads this blog, you are a stronger (saner?) person than I.

Anyway, since I don’t read my stats, the ONLY way I know if people read this blog is if they comment. That’s it. That’s how I know. Take a minute and let that sink in.

Have you begun to feel sorry for me?  Begun to reconsider your silent role?  No? That’s okay, I’m not out of ideas yet!

The days when someone posts and says, “I read your blog but I haven’t commented until now…” are SUCH cool days. I get a flutter in my stomach, I grin from ear to ear, and sometimes I even clap. Like a little over-excited toddler. Seriously. Antonio has seen me do this.  I know he’s seen because, for some odd reason, his eyes were VERY wide while watching. Go figure.

So, on the off-chance that there are MORE lurkers… You know what? Go ahead and continue lurking. I’m not going to tell you to come out of the shadows if you don’t want to. You can feel free to ignore my stomach, desperate to flutter! Ignore my sad face, yearning to smile! Ignore my idle hands, wishing to clap! Ignore ME!

*sulk*

Have I successfully guilted any of you into commenting? Please say yes… Anyway, to increase my chances that this will not remain a comment-less entry, I have TRIED to allow for anonymous comments. Enjoy if I’ve managed, and feel free to email me (chloe (at) thenaturalorders (dot) com) if it isn’t working.  Because I’m sure that right after “Well, okay, FINE, I guess I can du-lurk even though it causes me STRESS” comes “And now I’ll just move straight to emailing the blogger.”  Yeah, that makes sense.

For all of you unable to use the scroll feature, please see this post for Round 1.

I got interrupted yesterday.  I’ll finish up now.

5 – vanillaimpaired – Impy is amazing.  I think she’s the only blogger I read despite the fact that she writes erotica AND reviews sex toys.  I don’t read either.  Why?  Well, it’s because I’m really, really creepy and I don’t want to read about fake people having fake sex.  I want to read about YOU having REAL sex.  And sex toy reviews just make me think your blog is a useless shill and… (I had to backspace evil and violent things I just typed here about those bloggers.)  Impy, though?  She understands all that.  She balances.  She transcends.  She’s snarky and witty and kind.  She doesn’t fear being blunt, she does some of the best HNTs, and she has an awesome accent that makes me dribble a little when I hear it.  Plus, If we lived near each other?  She’s someone I can see myself being friends with.  This is a rare thing when it comes to females.  Very, VERY rare. 

6 – searching for lexa – I just adore this girl. When I was brand new to her blog, she embraced me with open arms.  And she has, so far, resisted telling me I’m completely off my rocker and need to be heavily medicated. *thumbs up*  I love her blog because you can just jump in and start reading and from even just ONE post, an image of her starts to form in your mind.  Her humor and forthrightness, her brave admissions and her sadness, her joy and her gratitude – they all shine so brightly that you can’t help but feel you know who she is through her writing. 

And… There are a few more blogs I’m a big fan of.  But I got through thinking about listing them and I realize I feel too NEW to reading them.  Check back the next time this kind of award goes around to see who I’ve gotten comfortable with!  (That was creepy, wasn’t it?  Sorry ‘bout that.)

Last, though…

*** Honorable Mention ***

This goes to Amber at Aspects of Amber. I didn’t put her on the “real” list because she isn’t actually blogging at the moment.  I’m SAD when bloggers I like stop blogging.  However, I WORRY when they stop blogging and take down or hide all their entries.  Amber stopped blogging and her entries are gone.  But, God love her, she keeps commenting places.  So at least I know she’s OKAY.  Whew.   (Yeah, I know… She SAID she was fine. It’s just that I don’t believe people who remove or hide every trace of their blog while saying “But, but, but everything’s peachy!  Yes!  In fact, we’re getting rid of everything we shared here because, uh, things are just THAT good!”  It just seems too… too… well, anyway.  I never buy it.  It fails the “making logical sense” test in my brain.)  

Anyhow, Amber is (I refuse to use past tense here, just as I refuse to take her off my feed reader) one of those bloggers who posts a big, long entry that has nothing to do with BDSM and I still wiggle and grin and settle in to read every word. I admit, there are some bloggers – even good ones – who go off on tangents I can’t possibly bring myself to read in their entirety.  (Myself included.  I don’t know how some of you make it through my longer posts.)  Amber, though?  You cherish every word.  She’s funny and she’s smart.  I know those are simple words tossed around all the time – funny and smart – but the complexities behind mastering each of them are life-long endeavors.  Amber is funny, and smart.  Truly.   And she’s just so darn personable.  She needs to come back to blogging, and teach me how to do that.

Okay, time to do a LOL post.