smile – and think of how good it’ll be the next time you do get to see Antonio! an extra-hard, yummy, ass fuck to make up for missing this one!!

~lexa, who’s totally bummed about the lack of help with the unpacking but wishes you luck with the crazy work schedule coming soon.

Love

Lisa
xox

@HouseWench – I thought I was being so careful… I had sprayed the poison ivy with RoundUp and waited until it died. Then I went out and tore it out of the ground and off the trees. (I would have just let it rot, except my kitty is an outdoor kitty, and she climbs trees and rubs everything (because EVERYTHING belongs to her, you see) and once, years ago, I kissed her adorable head and got poison ivy on my LIPS. That was hell on Earth, lemme tell ya.) After tearing it down and throwing it in the woods, I stripped my clothes, the gloves, scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed myself, etc. But I guess I must have unconsciously touched my eye or my glasses or something before stripping… And then didn’t scrub my eyelid. Argh! It’s up in my eyebrow too and I want to itch my whole eye region clear off my face.

@selkie – Thank you! I know I didn’t fail, I KNOW it… I mean, logically, I know I did nothing wrong, I tried my best and that’s all it takes to meet his expectations – my very, very best effort. But… Even though I know that… There is something that aches in me when he says “I want this” and I have to say “I can’t do it.” And, about the car/driving thing… It would be wonderful if he had the free time to drive up to see me. But he is already driving 12 hours from home to where he is staying with family. He has very limited time to take off work. (Which is why he is leaving Friday morning at 4:00am and heading back home Tuesday.) And if he came to me, it would tack on 10 extra hours of drive time… Five hours to get to me, then his 12 hour drive home would be increased to 17 hours… I can’t wait for the day when we’re, at most, a few rooms apart again, not a thousand miles! Soon enough… Within the next 9 months, I’d say, and hopefully sooner!

@DK – Sometimes I think your Master and Antonio are secretly brothers or something. Heh… They have always struck me as very similar, right down to their phrasing. And about the guilt thing? Sometimes it’s a giant pain in my ass. I don’t want to feel upset and like I let him down over something I can’t control. I want to be able to just accept that this is life, and we just have to deal. Like he does. But sometimes I think it’s a delicate balance between caring about how things turned out and being able to accept them at the same time. I clearly have not mastered the balance, but sometimes I’m afraid to try, for fear I might go too far the other way and end up not caring about outcomes that I could have worked to make better… (One skill I DO have is complicating things that do not require it, as you may be able to tell. Because I’m sure he wouldn’t let me get blasé about not doing my best!)

All right all, I’m gonna go have some soy pudding and try not to think about all the time with him (and his cock) I’m gonna be missing out on. But it’s hard. Especially when I go and do stupid things like type “him and his cock” and “hard” right before I attempt to not think about things like that… Hrm… Lookit that, I’m a moron…

My Master is just like your Antonio; he would be a bit disappointed but not overly so. Why are they like this? Because, you’re right: they have no control over it, they realize this, and they are able to let it go.

And guess what? Neither do you have any control over it. But that doesn’t make you guilty of anything, except maybe loving him really, really lots and lots.

It’s just fate. *hugs*