(Alternate title: Why I Love My Mother & Co.)
So, right before the Fourth, I went over to my mom’s house. And I figured this conversation was as good as any to explain why I love and adore my mom so very much.
She had two of her friends over… Her former college roommate I call Skid. (She’s awesome.) And their friend Milton. (He is also awesome.) And then my mom. (The epitome of awesome.)
Here’s how it went down:
Mom: Honey go look in your room! Look on your window seat!
Me: *expecting a present* Okay!
Me: *BLOODCURDLING SCREAM*
Mom: *utterly delighted with herself* Isn’t he GREAT?
Me: He’s a fucking mannequin! Why is he in my room? More to the point, what the hell are you doing with a MANNEQUIN in the first place?
Mom: I ordered him online. Look at his little melon head! It’s small, just like his feet, see? It’s so he can be dressed easier.
Me: Truly outstanding… But you don’t honestly think that passes for an explanation, do you?
Mom: Well, I’m going to *pauses for dramatic effect* cover him in moss so he’s a moss-man! The moss is arriving in a couple days. I ordered it online too. Then I’m going to make another, covered in sand. And another, and he’ll be a mosaic-man! Harrison said I should make about a dozen and put them all around the backyard.
Me: Harrison thinks fecal humor is the height of comedy too, yanno.
Mom: *tilts head* Fair point. Wanna go say hi to The Idiots? [editor’s note: “The Idiots” is what she and her friends call themselves.]
Me: *goes out on the porch* Sup Skid. Milton. So! Who has to sleep in my room with that thing?
Milton: *raises hand*
Me: Man, I’m sorry. That mannequin watching you sleep is, like, eight thousand bucks in therapy.
Milton: See, I think he IS therapy. Mmmmmmm…
Skid: It’s true. He’s the perfect man.
Milton: He does have a problem though… *gestures to his crotch*
Me: He’s not hung?
Skid: Not hung at ALL.
Milton: I’m sure we can fix that.
Skid: *squints at Milton* Chlo, did you touch the mannequin?
Me: Erm, yeah…
Skid: You should probably go sterilize your hands.
Me: Tsk!
I love my mother and her friends. Such insane(ly) cool people.
Oh– I love your mother too!!
Also, I got a yodeling pickle in a secret santa exchange last year that I would probably tape to the mannequin…
Because a yodeling pickle would clearly make it less creepy… just saying
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Your mom sounds like loads of fun! And I’d definitely go for the yodeling pickle idea! Meow
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I want to hang with your Mom & Co.! Too fun, the convo sounded like our house sometimes (well, sans the mannequins) hahahaha!
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Chloe:
My Mom asked her neighbor (Pat – female) over for coffee. It was 1949 and their homes were the first two homes completed on the new block being constructed.
Pat comes over, the epitomy of properness… my Mom offers her a chair at the table. While my Mom is turned to fill coffee cups and whatnot, Pat has sat down on the chair ~ only to fall completely through it and land on her bottom.
With her legs stuck straight up, and her face horrified, my Mom runs over to Pat only to begin laughing, uncontrollably.
Thank goodness Pat cannot hold back any longer and their laughing did not slow down for the next 60-some years. Yep, over 60 years of the most ridiculous and flat out hilarious friendship.
It makes me smile to see more stories of other people with great friends. I miss my Mom and I miss Pat now, but to tell that story again and share it here was fantastic, too.
Thanks for your writings,
Peggy in Seattle WA
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Oh, PS:
I like the pickle idea, too
Peggy
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