I’ve been scarce.

I’ve been reading your blogs, but I haven’t been able to comment because everything in me is negative right now.

…I read the daily life posts and think: “No one wants to hear from ME. I’m useless, and people are posting about their lives hoping to hear from their ACTUAL friends.”

…I read the funny posts and think: “I am not funny. Why can’t I be funny? God dammit, I hate everything.”

…I read the thought-provoking posts and think: “What the hell is everyone talking about, this was not thought-provoking. This was obvious. Since when is ‘obvious’ the new ‘omg’?”

*facepalm*

I annoy even myself sometimes.  (Okay, fine, a lot of times.)

If I were a horse, and if mental despair manifested as physical ailment… I’d have been shot and put out of my misery a couple days ago. I am THAT lame.

I just got my period today. So I’m hoping the massive depression lifts soon. The closest I’ve come to elated was when I nearly got in a car accident this morning. The elation faded, as soon as it hit me that I hadn’t gotten in the accident, and was still alive.

*sigh*

I am a giant ball of sulk and I just… I dunno how to fix it. So I’m doing things that calm me down and make me feel useful. I’m making a chart to monitor the three medications, two supplements, twice-weekly baths, monthly heartworm and Frontline, and vet appointments my doggie has. She’s a love, and she’s in GREAT shape for her age. It’s just that her age is 16 and she’s an O-L-D lady.

(Btw, Impy, guess what? They put my doggie on tramadol for joint pain.  Tramadol!  So I thought about you in the vet’s! I had no idea they give it to doggies too.  The vet looked at me funny when I practically shouted at him “HEY!  People take that too!  It’s a non-narcotic analgesic!” You know, as if he didn’t KNOW what it was or anything.)

I’m also making granola bars. I can’t eat them with my tongue, still healing, but they smell amazing, and I’m hoping they’re good. If my taste-testers like ‘em, and if they are actually cheaper than buying commercial ones (I know they are healthier), and if anyone wants… I’ll put up the recipe I used.

For now, I’m going to go suck back ibuprofen, drink tea, make charts, and be sulky.

Over and out.