Master was talking to me about my blogging goals. And if I’m meeting them.
And… I felt I was.
I defended my position and got a little sulky over his questions. He laughed and told me I was freaking over nothing, and not to stress myself out. If I’m happy with what I’m doing, that’s fine. He was just checking in.
I was disappointed with my reaction to him, though. I think it was fine that he asked “Do you think you’re doing X?” and I replied“Yes, and here’s why.” That was fine, and I don’t think I messed up in answering him or anything. BUT, I didn’t try to consider his point of view fully. I didn’t stop to think “He wouldn’t be asking if he didn’t see SOMETHING wrong. Take a minute, think, figure out what you could be doing better.”
I think part of my issue is that I’ve gotten comfortable here, and I haven’t gone out of my way to make my points clear. I’ve just told stories and shared thoughts, answered questions without sharing WHY they are important to me.
I’ve said in my About Chloe page:
Everything I say is colored. Colored by love and devotion, and colored by my belief there is a path leading to harmonious, unbiased, and true acceptance of power exchange relationships. My goal here is to try to find that path. I believe there is a way to talk about and explore power exchange that is welcoming for those who practice it, those who are curious about it, and those who raise eyebrows or even condemn it. If human history has taught us anything, it’s that promoting diversity, acceptance, and equal treatment may be difficult, but it’s always been worth it.
I’m here to talk, to think, and if I’m lucky, to gain a little perspective along the way.
This blog is not just about me sharing stuff with the like-minded. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE my like-minded blogging friends. I cannot express how much it means to me to have been welcomed here in my small corner of the BDSM blogging world. (I’d look creeeeepy if I tried to express it.)
You guys make my world a brighter, funnier, better place to be.
But it’s not JUST about me feeling cozy. Well, it wasn’t meant to be that selfish.
My blog is an open invitation for readers to be involved. You can ask harsh questions, difficult questions, off-topic questions – whatever you want. I ADORE when people pose good questions. You can comment too – that’s why the comments are open and why these entries are not private so only my Master can read them.
I don’t blog privately because I want you guys here – lurkers, regulars, friends – everyone. But you don’t have to be an audience. Some of you already comment, or ask questions, and thank you guys. Everyone else, feel free to join in. And, if you don’t want to? That’s okay too.
Sara is great for questions, for the record. And I think one of the reasons she is great for that (aside from her gorgeous mind) is that she has a different dynamic than I do. I think the fact that she is not 100% like-minded gives us an awesome chance to learn from and about each other, as well as learn about ourselves.
So part of my goal here was to get people who are maybe curious about my lifestyle (or even against it, or doubtful, or think I’ve got some underlying issue and think I’m mistaken, etc.) or people who are against it, to engage in discussion. Not attacks, but discussion.
I guess right now, I’m extending an invitation for everyone to involve themselves as much as they want, so I can address ONE of the parts of my blogging goals that I may be falling short on.
Dear Chloe,
I have the distinction of having been banned from not one, but TWO separate blogs by people who didn’t… uh…appreciate…my input. (And it looks like I may be on my way to alientating at least two more….)
What is it I do that is so distasteful? Well, I express my opinion. Truthfully. Sometimes very bluntly. And people don’t always like that. People expose nerves on their blogs, and then jump when yo touch them.
So my point is simply that it’s nice to see someone who actively encourages dialogue, and who is willing to accept that not everyone is always going to agree.
Sincerely,
Constance
Reply
Chloe Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Aw, man. I’ve gotten bloggers upset when I’ve spoken my mind before. The thing is, I try SO hard to just be honest.
But I’ve realized there are people who refuse to engage in conversation. They, stuck in the middle of their own issues, refuse to believe that anyone else could possibly have a different angle (maybe even a better angle) on their situation. They want to chase misery in circles, repeat the same actions hoping for a different outcome, etc. etc. etc. And there are a couple blogs I have to forcibly stop myself from commenting on, at ALL, because… Well, because I know the person would NOT like what I’ve got to hear, and is not capable of honest and open discussion.
I love the conversation. As long as no one cops a giant attitude, I’ll talk about anything. Anything! It helps me figure myself out, and I’m always grateful for that.
Reply
Ok gorgeous one….question for you. As you and Antonio have spoken about this, does he have any particular blogging goals for you and, if so, has he articulated them. I ask because M has definite goals in encouraging me to write, but he deliberately hasn’t articulated them. I understand that, but GOD it can be frustrating sometimes!
love and hugs xxx
Reply
Chloe Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Oh, LAME! I just typed out a long reply to this, and then hit some magical combination of buttons and it ALL WENT AWAY. The whole webpage changed, actually. Oh, sulk, sulk, sulk.
Lemme try again…
I have no idea what his goals are. He says that it’s about ME meeting MY goals because it’s MY place (etc. etc. etc.) But… I admit that I suspect he is way more concerned with my online activities than he lets on. Things I do in my life that he TRULY doesn’t care about? He doesn’t spend time on them – doesn’t even want to hear about them.
However, online blog-type stuff? I’ve got to tell him every comment I make on every other blog, and he’s got my blog on a feedreader and I know he reads it as soon as he sees I’ve posted, and he randomly came out with that semi-harsh email asking if I felt I was meeting my goals the other day… To me, it’s obvious he cares a lot more than he lets on about my blogging, my interactions with bloggers, etc.
But no, he’s never articulated why, or at least not in a way that gives me a lightbulb moment about it. I kind of wish he would, because it makes me edgy and, like you said, it’s frustrating sometimes.
(I feel like I was way clearer the first time through, before the magical button-mashing. *sigh*)
I’m going to have to think on this a while longer, and probably ask The Man about it when he gets home from work today!
Thanks miss M:e.
Reply
Chloe,
I discovered your blog about a week or so ago and have been methodically working my way through the archives. I’ve enjoyed reading so far……wait, that makes it sound like I anticipate NOT enjoying it at some point. Ha. Anyway, this post made me stop and think about my own blog with my Master. Other than expressing my thoughts, I can’t say that he has ever set any goals. I’m thinking of asking him now. Thanks for prompting a bit more self-analysis, even though that may not have been your main goal.
Reply
Chloe Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Well, no… I’m not usually in the business of trying to make people think about themselves, but anything that takes the focus off me being insane is a plus! *grins*
But, really, I think it IS a good thing to evaluate blogging goals. I’m glad I’m doing it. Because, like you said, blogs are about expressing thoughts… That is something I do, we all do, and of course is a goal of mine here… BUT the real question with my blog and any of its goals is – “Okay, but why do you need an audience, Chloe? What are they supposed to get out of it? Is there any benefit for them? If there isn’t, then is this becoming selfish?”
Because one of my main goals is to AVOID that sort of blogging that is selfish. I should write privately for myself or my Master if I only have self-indulgent things to say. I don’t know if I’m succeeding, but at least I’m taking it into consideration now! Hopefully, thinking about my goals will help me.
Thanks so much for stopping by, little one.
Reply
Your point about selfish blogging is a good one, however, it might be good to remember that there are those out there you could be affecting positively and never know it. More often than not, people are reading our blogs and not responding. There could be a new slave/sub that is reading and gleaning all she can from you, but for whatever reason doesn’t want to be heard. I would pour over blogs that I might have felt some kind of connection to the writer, and never say a word because I felt inadequate. If you think about it this way, it might be selfish NOT to blog.
Reply
Chloe Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Ha! Good point. I know I read submissive/slave blogs early in my relationship. And, honestly, some of them were fabulous! Some of them, though, were written by lunatics with peabrains and I wish I hadn’t read them. I guess I never assumed anyone could possibly “learn” from me.
I also have no idea how many people read my blog. I have never seen a single statistic about my blog readership. I don’t know if I have lurkers (though I kinda assume so…) And sometimes I forget that not everyone who reads comments. I tend to think, because it’s what I see in comments, that a handful of people read this. Like, ten. I realize that is PROBABLY not the case, but still… I don’t know how many hits I get, I don’t know if my readership is going up or down, I don’t know if people have me on their feed readers, how people link to the site – ANYTHING.
So I guess I forget about lurkers, sometimes. Whoops!
Master likes knowing that stuff, so he monitors that, but I ask him not to tell me. (Which is, coincidentally, another reason I worry when he asked if I felt I was meeting my blogging goals… I wondered if all of a sudden no one came here anymore!)
Reply
Omg, my blog is TOTALLY selfish!!! I write for myself. To get stuff off my chest, to work out difficulties I am having aligning my thoughts to my owner’s (because his trump mine). I never think about why it’s public. It’s public for anyone who cares to sneak a peek inside the mind of a crazy slave, I guess, Master included.
Ya’ll with your goals… makin’ the rest of us look bad!!
(hehe)
Reply
Chloe Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Don’t let me be mistaken – selfish blogging is A-Okay. It’s just interesting to me, since if I do something with the express purpose of having an audience, I have to ask myself “why?” And I can promise you if it weren’t to try to engage, etc., it would not be an off-the-cuff reason, like “ah, well, just ‘cuz!” I’m way crazier than that. WAY crazier.
For the record, I don’t think your blog is entirely selfish, though. Because I think you use it to connect with other bloggers, and I’ve seen you go out of your way to be supportive of them so… Social networking, perhaps?
I’ve got to work on my goals more… I need direction and drive and to feel like I’m serving some purpose in my corner of the interwebz… But in the end, it’s ALL selfish, because that having direction, and engaging with you guys, opening dialogues etc.? It makes ME feel good.
A truly altruistic endeavor is such a rarity.
Reply
Thanks for this post. It got me thinking about my own blog, and goals for it. It began as a way to give folks a peek inside a long distance relationship, but has progressed into a place for me to type thoughts, to give words to fleeting emotions and concepts that otherwise would bug the stew outta me for weeks!
my own Master, who i call Padrone because He is italian and that is the italian word for Master, has little input into the blog. He reads and learns and laughs and gains some insight into my mind….now and then He will ask me to type about something, and sometimes it is more difficult than at other times of course.
i love the thought of a place for discourse and discussion regarding the things we do and why. i love learning how others do things, which was my first reason for reading others’ blogs….but i seldom comment. i wouldn’t have here, except you *did* invite it!
Thanks for sharing yourself, your stories, your thoughts, your humor, your relationship. i am enjoying getting to know the “blog” you, very much.
schiava
Reply
Chloe Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
You’re such a sweetheart!
Quick story that amused me… I wondered about “Padrone” while I was reading your blog, so I looked it up using this program I have called WordWeb. And it said something about an owner of an inn in Italy, or someone who exploits Italian immigrants in the US. Then I typed “padrone” into altavista’s babelfish translator, and it returned “landladies.” And then I was TERRIBLY confused. Heh.
And THANKS for commenting. I LOVE commenting. For me, this is about interaction. Thank you so much for being part of it!
Reply
*joins the par-tay*
Reply
Chloe Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Ha! Sometimes I post, and I swear I’ll get several comments and nothin’ comes through… Other times, like this, I post and I think it’ll be quiet in here, and then lots of people comment! I guess I should give up my dream of becoming a professional psychic…
Reply