SO. The delicious vanillaimpaired awarded me a Sexy Blogger Award.
*squishes up face*
Thank you! You’re a doll, imp. (Now watch me muck this whole thing up and make you regret it…)
…This award comes with some rules. You are to list 5 sexy things about yourself and pass it on to 4 other people.
Well. There’s a problem here. I’m not sexy. Plain and simple – I’m not. And before anyone gets all “dude” about it, don’t worry… I’m not saying that in an emo “Oh, woe is me, I’m so unattractive and the world hates me and I’m such a unique self-hating snowflake of sadness and doom” way.
I’m just… fat, ugly, too-tall, and klutzy. I don’t have a nice smile, my eyes and my lips are lopsided, I don’t have great hair, I’m not flirty-witty, I’m not brave in the face of adversity, I’m not able to feel confident or capable most of the time, and I am graceless all of the time.
Don’t get me wrong – I am in love, I am loved, and I am literally as happy as could be. I just don’t possess a single “sexy” quality recognized by me or the world at large. So if you ask ME what’s sexy about me? The answer is honestly “nothing.”
I’m okay with that.
The sexiest thing about me is the guy I get to call my Master. So, I’ll go ahead and list five sexy things about him, kay? In no particular order…
- His intelligence. I know, I know. Being “attracted to his mind” is horrifically cliché. Trust me, his mind won’t be the whole list, but it’s definitely a big item. His intelligence is the fertile ground from which grows his confidence, level-headedness, courage, conviction, patience, and ingenuity. It makes him capable, always. And as a submissive woman, I find that level of intelligence with its corresponding level of capability incredibly sexy.
- His drive. This is a quality I have always felt is necessary and irreplaceable in a man. He needs to be DRIVEN. There is nothing less attractive than apathy, and there is something so sexy about a man on a mission.
- His skin. He looks and feels like he’s made of warm caramel. His Spanish-Italian blood gave him the most gorgeous mix of olive and cinnamon coloring. (I’m always shocked people don’t just walk up to him and try to lick him.) And he naturally burns a few degrees hotter than a normal person so he’s always warm to the touch. My personal caramel furnace.
- His politeness. I admit it, I love that he’s civilized. I love that he can do the whole spectrum from depraved to classy, and has no trouble blending in or standing out, depending on a situation, and he always feels comfortable. That’s HOT, to me.
- His voice. Specifically, the way it sounds first thing in the morning. It’s indescribable, but I’ll give it a shot: It’s like gravel drizzled with honey… like sandpaper and velvet… like sex dragged over broken glass.
*gurgle*
Damn, now I’m practically drooling.
I HEREBY TAG, IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER…
Amber – I dunno if she can top her last post in the “sexy” department (two words for that post – damn son), but I’m hoping she’s up for a challenge!
dk – Obviously, this is longer than a 5-item list. But I’m really curious what five things she would pick about herself.
Kaya – I will cry, loudly and unashamedly, if this is not a pictorial post. Srsly.
Lexi – I’m 100% sure she could just post the link to her “clock legs” youtube video, and all us readers could make (totally non-creepy, omg, NON-creepy) long lists in our heads… 
A note for those I tagged: I broke the rules here, and didn’t post about me. You guys are totally not allowed to do that now, because it’s been DONE. By me. I may not be a unique self-hating snowflake of sadness and doom, but I AM a unique rule-breaking snowflake. So you must post about yourselves. *stern* And don’t hold back if the urge to take pictures should ensnare you. In fact, in those cases, make it like a ten or twenty-point list.
Annnnnnd, go!
*giggles* I KNEW you would be one of the ones to break the rules, hehe I did. Hell I was in awww when I was given this but at the same time I was cursing. How the hell is one suppossed to run amok saying things about themselves they find sexy. if I was so damn sexy to myself I’d be wanking infront of the mirror daily (that does nawt happen)
I was gonna be mean and make dk one of mine and make her tell everyone about her sexy eggplants *snikker* but I thought twice and figured she’d prolly get me back
Well mah darlink … one sexy thing about you is simple … you have a damn fine brain
x
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Chloe Reply:
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:19 am
Awww, you are the sweetness.
And seriously, that thought kept running through me head – if I found myself sexy in ANY way, I’d have worn out a dozen vibrators at this point, wouldn’t I? As it happens, in the past… Oh, hell, I don’t know… Nine million years or so, I’ve had ONE orgasm. That’s right, ONE. And that one was when he was here.
*le sigh*
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Chloe, funny is sexy. Loyal is sexy. Creative is sexy. Kinky is sexy. Even humble is sexy! So believe me, you’re sexy.
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Chloe Reply:
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:20 am
You know… You’re right – those things are (or at least CAN be) sexy, but for some reason, I still don’t find myself sexy in the least… I’m thinking I’m going to have to ponder what it is I think sexy actually means. I think I might even squeeze a post out of it. Thank you for making me think, and for making me smile.
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I’m in NYC, the life is sucked out of me right now, I’m just finding this right now. Let me get back to civilization, k?
as for your description of yourself, girrrrlllll…..
NEVER describe yourself that way.
You are smokin’ hawt, and nothing else, hear me?
SMOKIN’!!!!
/coming to you from the depths of fucking hell, may it PLEASE be Monday? Can it be? Pls? Miss you all…
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Chloe Reply:
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:22 am
HA. Know what I was thinking when I saw this? “Eeek, I told everyone they didn’t have to be all ‘dude’ about what I said, but I didn’t close the ‘girrrrrl’ loophole! Damn, how could I be so careless!”
*snicker*
You crack me up.
And we’re inching toward Monday – YouCanDoooooIt! I might write you an email, btw. I have a little story about a professor I had in college I wanted to share relating to your elevator post… So don’t be alarmed if you see an email in a day or so!
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I haz a sexy!
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Chloe Reply:
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:23 am
You REALLY, really do. Rockin’ list, Lexi, and I’ll be over to comment properly soon. If I knew how to do that super-loud whistling thing, I’d do it. (Actually, since this is the internet, let us just pretend I CAN do it, kay? Kay!)
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Pictures?! I haz none.
I can’t believe you wriggled out of doing your sexy list. You should oughta be spanked. And we should get pictures! THAT would be sexy. By George, where is that Antonio? Can I have his number? I need to talk to him.
Thank you, love. I’m tickled pink.
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Chloe Reply:
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:35 am
YAY. I loved your list, btw. I’ll hafta go comment properly when it’s, yanno, not 5:30 in the morning and I’m not dying of tired and terribly afraid if I navigate away from this webpage I’ll end up with my computer going all blue-screen-of-death on me again. (It did it earlier this morning, the bastard.)
I don’t really *do* pictures. There’s that one with my fingertips in it (because Antonio’s awesomely-giant hand is blocking the rest of me) and that one of my tongue… And that one of my collar. Eventually, I’ll just get enough pieces of me up there, someone can form a collage. It’ll be like a scavenger hunt! WOO!
And Antonio basically NEVER answers the phone unless it’s me, and sometimes work. But he has the magical ability to detect certain things. So if you start talking about how awesome you think lawyers are while thumbing through some really unpatriotic anti-American propaganda while thinking about how amazing you think anal sex is and it’s all you want to do ever ever ever, he’ll probably end up on your doorstep with the mad desire to kill you and an inexplicable urge to have sex. Seriously, if you throw in a cup of coffee, some baked goods, and a threat to my life, he’ll probably spontaneously invent time travel to be at your place. He’s kind of magical like that.
Dear God, I’m tired… Zzzzzz…
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oh btw, I brought your blog up on my laptop here at the hotel desk and he saw your title, “She Obeys” and he exclaimed, “What is that?” I said a blogger bud’s blog and he said, “I REALLY like that title!” I laughed, I said, “Yes, you would, wouldn’t you?” heheheh
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Chloe Reply:
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:42 am
HA! You totally made my morning with that one. Though I really think there needs to be some provision on my title along the lines of SHE OBEYS: Yanno… Most of the time…
I like to think of it as a sort of daily reminder. I bring up my blog and go, “*handface* Oh THAT’S right… I obey.”
Cuz sometimes I forget.
But, shh, don’t tell. It’s a sekrit. (Also of note – I think the spelling of “secret” as “sekrit” is some kind of gift from the gods. Please don’t ask why – I honestly feel if I purposely misspelled most other words I should be smacked upside the head. But sekrit? It just tickles me.)
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