Comments on: I Think Therefore I Worry http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/ Fri, 23 Jul 2010 15:15:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Chloe http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/comment-page-1/#comment-398 Chloe Tue, 05 May 2009 13:12:06 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/#comment-398 schiava, what a wonderful comment... thank you! I just popped open your blog in a new tab, and I see you're in a long-distance relationship. I will definitely be reading, and I will definitely be asking questions, and maybe looking for some advice. If you've read a couple entries, or my "About" page, then you know my relationship is currently long-distance too. It can be really hard for me. Sometimes, I just feel like the pressure to want to touch him again, smell him again, watch him again, be able to lie with him in comfortable silence again... Is all WAY too much. And then I just start failing at life. It's annoying, frustrating, and I always feel like I'm being manipulative, somehow, if I let it get to me. OMG, stop rambling, Chloe! Anyway, I'll see you in your blog, and hopefully back here too! :) schiava, what a wonderful comment… thank you!

I just popped open your blog in a new tab, and I see you’re in a long-distance relationship. I will definitely be reading, and I will definitely be asking questions, and maybe looking for some advice. If you’ve read a couple entries, or my “About” page, then you know my relationship is currently long-distance too. It can be really hard for me. Sometimes, I just feel like the pressure to want to touch him again, smell him again, watch him again, be able to lie with him in comfortable silence again… Is all WAY too much. And then I just start failing at life. It’s annoying, frustrating, and I always feel like I’m being manipulative, somehow, if I let it get to me.

OMG, stop rambling, Chloe!

Anyway, I’ll see you in your blog, and hopefully back here too! :)

]]> By: schiava http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/comment-page-1/#comment-393 schiava Sat, 02 May 2009 13:56:26 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/#comment-393 i have recently found your blog, and for some reason what you say resonates strongly with me. i can most definitely relate to this post, to the worrying, to the over-analysis, even to the need to think "what if". i used to say it was a way to prepare for the worst, but i came to realize that it was my way of expecting the worst...simply because i could never accept that i would have anything but the worst. No, it isn't un-submissive or un-slave to think about your needs and to worry about them being met. Many who live an M/s lifestyle see playing with others, or involvement with others in an intimate, even if temporarily so, way - as normal, usual, even expected. So for us who have a monogamous relationship, it may be easy to feel different and as if we're not "normal" by liking the monogamy. Believe me when i say that i have struggled mightily with this issue, and some others i have read about your own struggles with in your blog. i really love how you can laugh at yourself but it is so obvious how much time, effort, and emotional energy you have put into your own growth as a slave, and as a person. Thank you for opening your mind and giving us a peek into you. i'm going to really enjoy reading your thoughts, and gleaning the wisdom from them as well. schiava, owned by Franti i have recently found your blog, and for some reason what you say resonates strongly with me. i can most definitely relate to this post, to the worrying, to the over-analysis, even to the need to think “what if”. i used to say it was a way to prepare for the worst, but i came to realize that it was my way of expecting the worst…simply because i could never accept that i would have anything but the worst.

No, it isn’t un-submissive or un-slave to think about your needs and to worry about them being met. Many who live an M/s lifestyle see playing with others, or involvement with others in an intimate, even if temporarily so, way – as normal, usual, even expected. So for us who have a monogamous relationship, it may be easy to feel different and as if we’re not “normal” by liking the monogamy.

Believe me when i say that i have struggled mightily with this issue, and some others i have read about your own struggles with in your blog. i really love how you can laugh at yourself but it is so obvious how much time, effort, and emotional energy you have put into your own growth as a slave, and as a person.

Thank you for opening your mind and giving us a peek into you. i’m going to really enjoy reading your thoughts, and gleaning the wisdom from them as well.

schiava, owned by Franti

]]> By: doubleknot http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/comment-page-1/#comment-373 doubleknot Mon, 27 Apr 2009 13:56:35 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/#comment-373 Living in the moment and not "borrowing trouble" (a great phrase from my grandma) is tough! Same thing is going on here. Master just got through telling me I must strive to accept life as it is now. Or, as Garth said, "Live in the now!!!" heh Living in the moment and not “borrowing trouble” (a great phrase from my grandma) is tough! Same thing is going on here. Master just got through telling me I must strive to accept life as it is now. Or, as Garth said, “Live in the now!!!” heh

]]> By: M:e http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/comment-page-1/#comment-372 M:e Mon, 27 Apr 2009 07:36:22 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/#comment-372 I'm happy that you're happy sweety. 'Worry', especially over things which we may never need to worry about, can be damaging (though I'm not sure I think 'ruminating' is - unless its done from a 'worrisome' place). You have what's right for you.....and you're open hearted and open minded enough to embrace that for others it may be different. That's a very special gift. love and hugs xxx I’m happy that you’re happy sweety. ‘Worry’, especially over things which we may never need to worry about, can be damaging (though I’m not sure I think ‘ruminating’ is – unless its done from a ‘worrisome’ place).

You have what’s right for you…..and you’re open hearted and open minded enough to embrace that for others it may be different. That’s a very special gift.

love and hugs xxx

]]> By: jenfrog http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/comment-page-1/#comment-370 jenfrog Sun, 26 Apr 2009 15:43:13 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/#comment-370 One thing that I've realized about love is that sometimes, it just can't be analyzed. I never would have thought that I would ever fall in love with a woman, but I did. I went through my period of questioning it, of playing the "why" game until the only answer I could come up with is that it works for me, and I want it. Is that selfish? Hell yes. But selfishness is only bad when it's denying someone else something. Just because something works for one person does not mean that it should work for another. Whenever someone asks me about having multiple partners, I always say one thing: It's more work than you'll ever imagine. There are people who thrive in such relationships, and people who don't. One situation is not better than the other - they are simply two different, and equal, situations. One thing that I’ve realized about love is that sometimes, it just can’t be analyzed. I never would have thought that I would ever fall in love with a woman, but I did. I went through my period of questioning it, of playing the “why” game until the only answer I could come up with is that it works for me, and I want it. Is that selfish? Hell yes. But selfishness is only bad when it’s denying someone else something.

Just because something works for one person does not mean that it should work for another. Whenever someone asks me about having multiple partners, I always say one thing: It’s more work than you’ll ever imagine. There are people who thrive in such relationships, and people who don’t. One situation is not better than the other – they are simply two different, and equal, situations.

]]> By: Sara http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/comment-page-1/#comment-369 Sara Sun, 26 Apr 2009 14:05:34 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/#comment-369 Chloe, First, for what's it's worth from another not-slave, you DID make agreements, commitments to each other, and expecting those basics to be upheld is the foundation upon which the more free floating submission sits, IMO. Second, excessive worrying or ruminating is an indicator of generalized anxiety. If it becomes too much, see a Dr! Third, again just my opinion, there is a psychic structure within our makeup that drives our feeling just right being part of as couple...yin and yang. While I would not argue with someone who feels fulfilled in another way, most people are not happy long term in polyamory. I have learned that they do seem to pay a heavy emotional price. Most people ARE happy in monogamy. I am glad Antonio ordering you to stop worrying worked and I hope you are able to continue with that! Chloe,

First, for what’s it’s worth from another not-slave, you DID make agreements, commitments to each other, and expecting those basics to be upheld is the foundation upon which the more free floating submission sits, IMO.

Second, excessive worrying or ruminating is an indicator of generalized anxiety. If it becomes too much, see a Dr!

Third, again just my opinion, there is a psychic structure within our makeup that drives our feeling just right being part of as couple…yin and yang. While I would not argue with someone who feels fulfilled in another way, most people are not happy long term in polyamory. I have learned that they do seem to pay a heavy emotional price. Most people ARE happy in monogamy.

I am glad Antonio ordering you to stop worrying worked and I hope you are able to continue with that!

]]> By: butterfly http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/comment-page-1/#comment-368 butterfly Sun, 26 Apr 2009 13:26:33 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/#comment-368 I totally relate to your post. I went through a few blogs on this subject myself, and tore myself to pieces over it. Therefore, I've chosen not to think about it (as much as possible) until I'm forced to do so. Sometimes avoidance is the best policy...and the best way to keep your relationship going smoothly. butterfly I totally relate to your post. I went through a few blogs on this subject myself, and tore myself to pieces over it. Therefore, I’ve chosen not to think about it (as much as possible) until I’m forced to do so.

Sometimes avoidance is the best policy…and the best way to keep your relationship going smoothly.

butterfly

]]> By: Constance http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/comment-page-1/#comment-366 Constance Sun, 26 Apr 2009 06:35:29 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2009/04/25/i-think-therefore-i-worry/#comment-366 Dear Chloe, I'm not in a Master/slave relationship, so my thoughts on the subject may be irrelevant, but here goes anyway: regardless of the dynamic of the relationship (M/s, D/s, DD, vanilla...) it is still a relationship, which means that you entered into it based on expectations and promises. You both have the right to change your minds, or simply change in general. When and if that happens, you have a right to be unhappy if you are not getting what you bargained for. In your case, it sounds like monogamy was part of the deal. If you later decide to renegotiate, no problem, but Master or no Master, if he decides independently that he wants to bring more people into the 'contract' he has with you, you have EVERY right to say no. It may mean the end of the relationship, but that's your right too. (I realize that as a slave, you have forfeited rights, but you always have the right to leave.) As far as the sense of calm that has come from obeying, that's wonderful! Fondly, Constance Dear Chloe,

I’m not in a Master/slave relationship, so my thoughts on the subject may be irrelevant, but here goes anyway: regardless of the dynamic of the relationship (M/s, D/s, DD, vanilla…) it is still a relationship, which means that you entered into it based on expectations and promises. You both have the right to change your minds, or simply change in general. When and if that happens, you have a right to be unhappy if you are not getting what you bargained for. In your case, it sounds like monogamy was part of the deal. If you later decide to renegotiate, no problem, but Master or no Master, if he decides independently that he wants to bring more people into the ‘contract’ he has with you, you have EVERY right to say no. It may mean the end of the relationship, but that’s your right too. (I realize that as a slave, you have forfeited rights, but you always have the right to leave.)

As far as the sense of calm that has come from obeying, that’s wonderful!

Fondly,
Constance

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