The always amazing Kaya gave me a Friend Award!!!

It included the following pass-it-on paragraph: “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.”

I was so ridiculously happy, humbled, and slightly emotional. Thank you, Tess. I have found great comfort, gained much insight, and been given many laughs as a result of reading your blog. I feel I owe you some kind of debt for sharing your time and words with the world at large.

According to the rules, I had to give he award to eight other bloggers who hadn’t already been chosen. Upon reading this, I came to a realization… I am somewhat lame, and don’t know that many bloggers yet. My limited reader is basically full of people who have already gotten the award.  (Rightfully so, I might add.)

*sulk*

But, because it’s me, I’ll take the opportunity to ramble a little about friendships.

In my real life, Antonio is my best friend, hands down. I know, it’s a groan-worthy cliché, but it’s also completely true. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a best friend, except he won’t let me paint his nails. (Hey, nobody’s perfect.)

Aside from The Man, I have a close circle of long-time friends. I chose them early, and I am proud to say I chose them well. Some of us have become separated by long distances over the years, but all of them I’ve known for over a dozen years. I’m only 25.

Then there are my fellow bloggers! I have found some truly amazing people here. It seems a little tacky to name them, so I won’t. I hope they know how much I care about them, their words, their support, and their lives.

These bloggers, particularly the group of (mostly) submissive women I come into contact with, often claim they “make bad friends.” But I don’t think that’s necessarily true.

I think we, as devoted servants, can have less time and freedom to spend on our friendships, yes. But I think the time we do spend on each other becomes more concentrated and powerful and important as a result. There are people I spoke to daily in high school and considered my “friends,” but I was barely bothered when we didn’t keep in touch after graduation. Yet there are people here I have spoken to much less often, over a much shorter period of time, yet I find myself deeply affected by them, their ability to share, and their willingness to get to know me and support me. I have even found myself upset to think I might be disliked.

Now, I am not one to care if someone unimportant to me dislikes me. And if someone I dislike has a problem with me or someone I love? Watch out, because I have no reason to hold back. I do, however, feel bad when someone I care about dislikes me. It hurts, and makes me generally desperate to find out what’s wrong, what I did, and what I can do to make up for it. I’ve had fights before, with other friends, and Antonio has to stop me from groveling, essentially. At this point in my life, I have taken a route of silence when I think I am disliked by someone I want to be friends with. If someone seems to have a problem with me – silently, overtly, loudly, or even cruelly – I make every effort to simply make myself small and quiet. I try to let everything slide, I don’t engage, I don’t force myself upon them. I used to, in answer to my desperation to find out what was wrong. But not anymore.

I wonder, sometimes, if this comes across as cold. Or uncaring. It is quite the opposite. I only do it IF I care. If I didn’t? I’d do whatever I pleased, and not take into consideration how someone felt about me. But if I think someone is negatively affected by interaction with me, I will make an effort to hold myself back from interacting. But still… I wonder if this is the wrong route to take. If it is, I’m unsure what the right one could be.

In any case, the deep connection I feel to some bloggers has become very important to me. I love that I’ve been allowed to have a blog (thank you, Master), and to meet and interact with such incredibly strong, devoted, intelligent, funny, and caring women.

I know some of you will continue to maintain that slaves make bad friends. But you don’t fool me. I think you are wonderful friends.

You are all stars. Shine on.