I read a poll once of the “Top Ten Things a Man Wants from His Wife.”  The number one thing was “Belief in his capabilities.”  Not sex or love or fidelity – though I’m sure those are up there.  And, no I can’t vouch for the validity of this poll, and who knows if it was in any way scientific… But it made me think.

See, sometimes, I like to remind myself of things.  It doesn’t mean I forgot them, or that I’m failing to recognize them (er, well sometimes it does.)  I think I might be a bit special, because I do like to sit around and think about some of the same things over and over.

Some are like mantras – they are favorite thoughts or ideas and I think they gain strength through repetition. Some are things I do and do well, but just like to think about anyway. And some, yes, I need to repeat because I’m less-than-awesome at them. And that poll reminded me of one from each category. So… Here they are!  From my brain to your eyeballs.

I’m against castration.

(That’ll make sense.  Swear.)

No man with even a smidge of dominant inclinations wants to be looked down on, especially not by his woman.

And maybe this is me being a self-righteous twat, but I don’t think it should take an outward expression of “there is a power exchange in our relationship” for a woman to figure out that THIS makes her man tick.  (Because I know a LOT of people not in PE relationships, and the men are still… Shockingly… “Typical” men.)  And sometimes, it seems like it does take that declaration…

I think many men in general are driven to be protectors and providers. Or at least, to take pleasure in that. No, not all men. And I’m certainly not saying men “should” do that. I’m just saying many do. And the moment a man like this feels his partner is disregarding or diminishing or taking for granted his capacity to protect or provide… Well, I think she has either irritated, angered, hurt, or effectively castrated her man.

Lame. I want no part of that. But I like how often I see things that remind me of this idea. I like seeing how often, in so many interactions (both personal and witnessed), it is reflected that the theory holds.

Man-bashing gets the thumbs down.

The sport of man-bashing has reached some serious heights. Most of my female friends and coworkers engage in this activity almost daily. I can’t count the number of times I hear things like, “And then, he called me back and said blah and I was like blah, and he SO didn’t get it because he’s such a fucking idiot all the time!!!”

I just stand there, with a perfect mask of engaged and amused, while thinking to myself: “You realize you just called your husband a ‘fucking idiot’ right? I trust that hasn’t escaped your genius mind, yeah? If it’s not true, well STFU or GTFO.  If it’s true, well, see previous acronyms anyway. ”

I honestly don’t know what they get out of it, so I won’t pretend I do.

But many “typical” male endeavors are about power and domination – and I don’t think people should kid themselves that this motivation is left behind on the battlefield, at the sporting event, or five rungs up the corporate ladder. It’s not. It comes home with him too.

And… I don’t know… I struggle to understand. If you’ve seen the man you love succeed at something important, seen his reaction to being celebrated and championed for how completely amazing he is (and, dammit he IS), how could you not want to give him that? Why would you want to beat him down, even in small ways? In public or in private? Why? I don’t… I don’t get it.

This one blows my mind, and I’m proud to say it’s something I don’t even have to try to avoid. I’m just not in the business of sitting around and badmouthing my Man.  Kthnxbi.

Apparently, giving is receiving.

I have plenty of needs and desires and goals. In fact, I’m a greedy little wench. I want a LOT. It’s just that nothing I could ever want, strive for, and attain would have any deep meaning if I couldn’t attribute it to, share it with, or earn it from my Master. I think, superficially, it looks a bit troublesome to be a greedy slave.

But I have a really ninja way around that.

If I want, want, want… I have to give, give, give. I’ve seen men work harder, love stronger, and trust deeper if their women get off their high horses and focus their every effort on him. And if I can do that?  Focus everything on him. I will want for nothing. And if I do want for something? I’m being selfish, somehow, somewhere. And it’s time to buckle in… or buckle up… or buckle down? Buckle something the fuck up – and GIVE more.

And, OKAY SHUDDUP FINE. I confess… This last one I do need to remind myself of more often than the others. Because sometimes, I just don’t buy it.