There have been discussions recently, about monogamy, polyamory, limits, etc.  I’ve followed them with interest.

Specifically, all the biological/natural arguments for polyamory.  Science and logic are fascinating disciplines. And I had a lot of monogamy “arguments” running in my head as I read the arguments for polyamory. (Which, I’d like to note, was not to say I was going to argue against polyamory – I certainly wasn’t.  I have no objection to it at all, except on a person level.  Meaning I feel it’s fine, in and of itself, but it’s simply not right for me.)  And I still have all the science arguments in my head.  But… I soon realized the bigger issue is that I don’t care about the arguments, in either direction.

I could probably make arguments that humans are bred, on an individual level, to kill much more often than humans kill now, and with no repercussions.  Perhaps, even, with rewards.  That was natural.  These laws we have are not.  (I’m not referring to the ways of war, here… I mean murder or extreme physical harm for personal infractions.)

But, again, I don’t care what humans are designed to do, not necessarily.  It has no impact on my choices if I discover it’s “natural” to do things another way if that other way feels wrong to me.

Because no matter what, I’m not going to FEEL right about taking a life, even under circumstances where it may be biologically natural to do so.  (Some situations, of course, I’m sure I have personally maintained a biological imperative to kill.  If someone tried to kill me? I’d fight for my life, even if that included ending my attacker’s life.)  But other situations? If someone stole my food?  Or someone stole all my money, my home, and killed my pets?

Even if I found the man who stole from me, and knew I’d get away with it if I hurt or killed him, I’d rather suppress the natural, biological urge to do harm.  I don’t care what thousands of years of biology “tell” me, and I don’t care how any other species of animal, or any other human, feels about it.  Don’t care.  For me, it FEELS right to not give into that urge, and to take a different path.

Is it easiest to take that other path?  Most “natural”?  Perhaps not.

But in the long run, focusing on compassion yields the greatest rewards for me, personally, emotionally, mentally, physically.  So I don’t care if it’s less natural not to seek physical vengeance on people – in those cases, my fullest life, my deepest pleasure, has come from compassion, not acting naturally.  Maybe it could be considered a sacrifice – giving up something good for something better.  This is my big picture.  I try to look at it as often as possible.

And the same thing applies to the idea of polyamory.  Sure, we can argue humans, centuries ago or currently in other cultures, lived and live a certain way.  Or that certain biologically similar animals live a certain way.  But, so what?

Someone could make a case for everything from nudism to murder, and they might be sound arguments, and I would have no objection to the logic behind them.  But no argument in the world will ever make me comfortable with many of those things.  I’m very comfortable with them for certain people, or certain situations, but not for me.

And I think that’s okay.  I don’t think it’s wrong of me or for me.

So for me, monogamy is right.  Not just okay, or tolerable, or acceptable. Right.  I desire to be in submission to a man I love.  I’ve found that man, and I love and serve him.  I have no desire for a dominant position in a relationship and no desire for a vanilla relationship – I desire to be, and am, owned.  It feels right.  I feel right.

I feel right submitting, serving, being owned – belonging to my Man.  It would defeat my purpose, my drive, my source of pleasure to try to serve two Masters.  I cannot be who I want to be – wholly his – if I served anyone else before my Master or on par with my Master.  It would be impossible to maintain the level of service I desire to provide to Antonio and, moreover, it would feel deeply wrong to serve anyone else. I would be unable to meet my deepest needs for love and life to have more than one relationship.  Period. 

So monogamy is right for me.  It may not be right for others, and that’s completely fine.  But it’s right for me.  It’s where I feel best, happiest, and right with myself and the world.

My title for this post, a phrase often associated with the argument against gay marriage, is simply my way of saying this is a two-way street for me.  I want One Man, but I also want that man to only want One Woman.  I want us to be One Woman and One Man and that’s it.  Obviously, the logical question to ask is: “Does HE feel right with just one woman?  Does he feel right being monogamous?”

I believe he does. I can’t speak for him or attempt to present his feelings.  They are not mine to fully understand or discuss.  So, from where I sit, all I can say is…  He says he does.  And I believe him.  So I believe he does.

***Side note… I’m sick, so please try to forgive typos, but I don’t have the energy to reread this more than a couple times. I‘ve been working, too, and haven’t replied properly to comments.  But I’m going to be holed up at home tomorrow, being sick and whiny and gross, so I’m going to try to  backtrack through them. But right now, I’m suffering a biological imperative to go sit on the couch and watch TV with tissues and a large mug of tea.