Guess what, guys, I’m submissive.
I realize this may be coming as a shock.
Why might you be shocked? Well, because I don’t slaughter the written word in order to demonstrate my submission.
I don’t refer to myself as “i” nor do I refer to Antonio with capitalized pronouns. Unless he’s starting a sentence or I’m using a title or proper noun (like Antonio or Master), Antonio gets he, him, and his.
Now, I know not every submissive blogger commits these Heinous Grammar Crimes, but enough do to make me want to toss my computer across the room every once in a while.
I was not primarily indoctrinated into BDSM “culture” online, so I wasn’t all hip to the net-lingo. When I first started lurking in lifestyle blogs, I kid you not it took me two solid days to figure out what in the hell stuff like “W/we” meant. It just looked… Confusing. I think I said aloud at one point, to my computer screen, “What… The bloody hell… Is THAT about?” One, because it’s just off-putting and makes it impossible to follow someone’s train of thought, and two, because sometimes I like to pretend I’m British.
(And let me just say right now… I am a firm believer in typos, I enjoy using improper grammar when proper grammar would sound insane, I think spelling the word “seriously” without vowels is a stroke of genius, the phrase “liek woah” used in all its internet glory makes me giggle, and, okay, I indulge in occasional lolcat’ing.)
But one reason I started keeping a blog is because I believe in communication. Productive, open, intelligent, public communication.
I have a love (that is bordering on reverence) for the English language and its ability to educate and unite people and ideas across vast distances and mind frames. And I truly hate to see this language butchered, especially in public.
Yes, that’s right, I’m the chick in the restaurant pointing out to the waiter that a misspelled word appears on the menu, the girl who corrects her professor’s grammar on exam questions, and the neurotic bitch who won’t stand in “10 items or less” lines because the flagrant misuse of “less” makes her want to vomit. Sue me.
But really, ask yourself, if you were trying to communicate in real life with English speakers from all walks of life and hoping to get them to listen to you, would you use loads of private slang, a regional dialect, and a heavy accent? No. So why, when you write in a public arena such as the internet, attempting to communicate with English speakers from all walks of life and hoping to get them to listen to you, are you pulverizing rules of capitalization? (And grammar and spelling and syntax, but those seem less submission-related.) Think about TV newscasters. There is a REASON that across the country, they ALL speak the exact same way, in what I’ve always called “region-free dialect.” And before I begin nerdily obsessing over that… I’ll sum up this point: Communication across broad ranges, like TV or the internet, is done well ONLY when it’s done in a universal way. Period.
I guess maybe there’s some Super Secret Sub Club I never got invited to join, where everyone feels special for slinging unnecessary letters, capitals, and dashes in the middle of plural pronouns, but… For me, this blog is not about isolation from the vanilla world, or the world of people involved in BDSM who are not internet savvy. *shrug* That really could be just me, so this could be this is all a lost idea. It could be many people in the lifestyle blog publically, yet specifically don’t want anyone who doesn’t already share their exact point of view or doesn’t already know internet jargon to hear them. I mean, okay, cool. That’s just not me. (Another post on this idea to come soon, I can FEEL it… But back to the topic at hand…)
Simple fact is, the first of these two is clearer than the second:
- My Master and I went to the store, where we bought apples to make ourselves a pie.
- my Master and i went to the store, where W/we bought apples to make O/ourselves a pie.
I completely understand capitalizing titles. Those become proper nouns. Master, Sir, Owner, etc. If they are used in the place of a name (like “And then Master opened the door.”) it makes perfect sense to capitalize the title “Master.” Even though it makes less sense, I understand it even when it’s preceded by a possessive pronoun such as “my” or “your.” But still, I’m okay with it there – it makes sense for continuity, and it’s used more as a name than strictly a title.
However, it makes no sense whatsoever to make “I” lowercase, or to use multiple letters with different capitalizations to express basic plural pronouns such as “W/we.”
Sorry, no. Epic Fail.
It reminds me of the text-type and internet-type flooding the online and wireless worlds of today. It all comes across as unreadable, uneducated, and obnoxious. Basically, the precise opposite of how I’d like to come across.
On a personal level, Antonio highly values my intelligence, my command of the English language, and my ability to express myself acutely and accurately. So, even if it were simply to show that I want to promote qualities within myself that are pleasing to him, I refuse to jeopardize those skills, in public or private.
To me, being clear and correct can actually be taken as an act of submission – of molding myself to embody traits that my Master respects and desires – to be precise and accurate in my written endeavors, to convey my intelligence and clarity. (Or, as I like to call it, my inimitable verbal prowess. *rawr*)
He wants me to shine. I want to shine for him. I do not want to look stupid or unclear, because it would reflect poorly on him. And that is a big NO.
If anyone out there has a Master who wants her to look uneducated or does not care if she communicates clearly with her audience, well, I’d understand the disregard for basic rules of English grammar in that case. There really would be submission in the act then. So in that case, go for it and go for it hard! Likewise, if he feels capitalization errors are a Very Important Symbol of Submission, and typing like a 12-year-old in AIM is somehow deeply subservient, okay, fine. Serve on, subs!
(Have I mentioned that I am mature and sweet every single minute of every single day, and I am never ever a snarky wench? Well, at this juncture, I think everyone needs reminding of that. I’m a class act.)
Anyway, messing up basic grammar serves no purpose, not that I can see. I am no more submissive for looking like I can’t type, and I am no less submissive for using proper capitalization. And as I said before, I am possibly MORE submissive for writing correctly, as it is an exercise in presenting myself well. So, if I were doing it? It would just be muddling my writing and my point. Yours too, as far as I’m concerned.
That’s not to say I am not in favor of symbolizing submission, or even doing submissive things in public. I like displaying my subservient side just as much as the next proud slave. My symbols just have to MATTER.
I suppose some would say this does matter… They’d say this kind of typing is a subtle reminder of their submission. For me, every time I type “him” or “he” when talking about Antonio, I am flooding with thoughts and feelings about him. And those thoughts are are not magically magnified by the addition of the Shift key. The Shift key holds no power over me. Neener neener, Mr. Shift.
As many things do, it comes down to a pros and cons list for me. Even if I managed to subtly associate typing incorrectly with being submissive? Would that be WORTH the price of being unclear, worth the price of displaying myself as less competent than I really am, and thus reflecting poorly on my Master? Nope. Not even close to worth it.
My purpose in writing anything I put in a public arena is to communicate clearly and effectively. So I guess my question is – isn’t that your purpose too?
So why are you writing like that?
Does it actually demonstrate your inferiority to your Master/Sir/Owner or does it just demonstrate your inferiority to a first grader?
Honestly, do you think you would you somehow be acting dominating by writing things correctly? Really?
Can’t we, as submissives or slaves (Masters too, if they are mandating this silliness), think of a better way to show our submission than sabotaging our own communication efficacy?
Just a thought. (Or, well, let’s call it a “question,” because I am honestly curious now. Someone needs to answer me! I MUST know!)
I’m afraid I am one of those people who type he and He. It’s habit and I have done it forever. I don’t type ‘i’, to me it’s I. But I do type He.
Reading a blog post that has W/we drives me bonkers and I click the big red x right away.
Hehe.
Does that mean I am on your don’t read list now. *sob*
big hugs hon.
bliss
xox
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Chloe Reply:
January 17th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
bliss~
Heh. Don’t tell anyone (because it might detract from my (entirely false) air of supreme awesomeness and iron-fist attitude in the post) but “He” doesn’t bother me as much as the little “i” and the inane slashes in things like “O/our.”
Those make me want to stab things. He, not so much.
The “He” stuff does make me pause, however. A capitalized pronoun signifies in my brain, after nearly a quarter century of reading, the start of a new sentence. So my brain gets tripped up and I founder momentarily when I see it. To me, it hampers communication so I wouldn’t do it… And since I do writing that is not 100% to and about my Master, I don’t even have the option of getting into a habit like typing He. My friends, family, employers, and professors would be all: “What the crap is with that chick? She think I’m some kind of deity?”
Habit I can understand, I guess I’m just curious where/why anyone would pick it up? Was it a fun novelty when you jumped into online BDSM stuff? Got swept up in the world? Something he asked you to do, originally, and it just stuck and you never really thought about why? (I’m so so so curious…)
Btw, you’re definitely on my “read” list, and staying there.
Which reminds me. I gotta grow my read list. I just am too picky, I think. There are blogs that “omg, everyone” reads and I can’t stomach them because they boooooore me. But never fear, if you see yourself on my blogroll, I READ the instant my reader tells me you have posted!
~Chloe
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“Think about TV newscasters. There is a REASON that across the country, they ALL speak the exact same way, in what I’ve always called “region-free dialect.”
I got into an argument with my late-husband once over this exact thing. He was from the south (Mississippi) and had a very, very STRONG southern accent. He would constantly accuse me of being the one with the accent and that HE was pronouncing words properly. After I’d tried hauling out the dictionary pronunciation key to prove my superior non-accent skillz, I went with the news announcers. They speak, as you said, with no discernible accent, and even he had to admit that the newscasters pronounce words exactly like I do.
So there ya go. me – 1, him – LOSER. Ha.
I, like bliss, have to admit that I was a capital H kind of blogger. I don’t do it now nearly as often as I used to. If I were to look back I think I’d find I exclusively typed that way in the not-so-distant past. But you asked why, and I’d like to explain why I did, and why I don’t anymore.
It was never a rule. I know some submissives are under rules regarding their grammar, but I am not. It was my choice to start capping the H’s. I did it because he held such a position of power, was in such high esteem in my daily life that I was desperate to communicate that, yet the options to express that through a written forum are limited.
I’m not (usually) a “gusher” in my writing. I have a hard time taking myself seriously when I write endless words of love and devotion, or prattle on about how God-like I think he is. Yet, I’m not (wasn’t) above wanting to express those sentiments either.
It was, to me, a subtle acknowledgement of him being my “higher power”. My God, my ruler, my everything. In the bible, pronouns referring to God were capitalized (though I think newer versions don’t do that) and in Sunday School – where my mom taught – I clearly remember making the association between the capital letter and God’s influence on my life. It represented power, or an easily seen power imbalance in the written word. Whereas man was just a he, God was a He.
Probably that association came to me so easily because I was a voracious reader and was drawn to words and writing. I knew the power of words.
Strange, really, the things that stick. Too, what helped fuel it was most likely the fact that other submissives had latched onto the same concept, and it was pretty widely, if not accepted, then tolerated by the reading masses.
I stopped doing it because I no longer have that need to express his position in my life to the people reading me, at least not in that way. It doesn’t mean that he no longer occupies a superior position, but simply that I feel I can adequately share it through words – and not by the misuse of grammar.
I admit that I have a somewhat shaky grasp on grammar. I possess enough to get by, but I know I lack in several areas. Because of that, I am choosing not to create unreadable type in areas where my grammar IS correct.
Heh. And you think you write a lot.
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Oh my. Isn’t THAT embarrassing. Heh.
I’m in yer comments, sucking up all yer bandwidth.
*snicker*
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Chloe Reply:
January 17th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
kaya~
Bwahahaha. That wasn’t embarrassing, that was awesome!
I actually get the deity point. My Master is my God; I literally worship the man. So that was actually the smartest, bestest (*rocks at words*) answer anyone could have given. It made perfect sense, and I understand the need to convey that feeling. *nods*
Perhaps my feelings were driven more from the lowercase issues… Because, like I said to bliss, the “He” stuff doesn’t bother me as much. It gives me pause, but it doesn’t invoke the laptop-tossing urges. ‘Cause even in the Bible, humans busy subjugating themselves to God didn’t refer to themselves as “i” and there was no need to delineate both upper and lower case when using plural pronouns…
Btw, in response to your self-deprecation… I always meant to comment on how AWESOME your posts are. I’ve butted my way through your comments enough to know that you have been told this a hundred million times, but it bears repeating – you are a fabulous writer. Fluid, funny, tight, and engaging. (I’m SO clearly undersexed. That sounded downright filthy to me…) Updates in your blog are always met with happy-dance time. (Go ahead and pretend I do a really kick-ass happy dance. It’s not even close to true, but pretend…)
Incidentally, I don’t even know what bandwidth IS. And my fabulous grasp on logic makes me sure that bandwidth is exactly like dessert in a restaurant. If I don’t know how many calories are in it, then it has zero calories. If I don’t know what bandwidth is, then you can’t be using any of it. That shit is iron-clad.
~Chloe
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I’m going to join Kaya in sucking up the bandwidth here
I’m also a closet grammar/punctuation Nazi. I’m not above abbreviating, intentional “typos”, or occasional lolcatese. But dammit, there needs to be a space after a comma, two spaces after a period, apostrophes in the correct place, and ALL sentences start with a capital letter. Your, you’re, their, they’re and there MUST be used correctly. Shit, I should go back in the closet.
I think for awhile in the beginning I did the whole *i* and *He* thing, but it didn’t work. My brain couldn’t follow what I was writing, I had to go back and correct myself a few dozen times each post. A few times I had to catch myself as I was typing a work email so that I didn’t look like a complete ass that couldn’t find the shift key. I get that people use it as a sign of respect and submission. I just don’t feel it’s necessary, and neither does Master. I did it initially because… well, it’s what all the other subs/slaves did. And I wanted to be a GOOD slave, to fit in with everyone else.
I know at times I write as if I’m speaking – I try not to censor myself worrying about that. Those grammar errors I let slide, but I can’t let the basic punctuation/spelling/grammar go beyond that.
Unfortunately, I’m also a CrackBerry addict who averages about 3000 text messages a month. I’ve become quite adept at texting shorthand, but try to keep even that as close to the English language as possible
Hmmm, maybe now I should comment on all the serious/deep posts I’ve got starred that I’ve been avoiding.
*hugs*
Oops – meant to mention that I STILL struggle with not capitalizing the first letter in my name. It drives me crazy, but I’m getting used to it.
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Chloe Reply:
January 20th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
lalana~
Take heart! Until you’re acting like me, and you feel the need to inform near strangers about why we double the N in “beginning” but not in “heartening” you are not nearly as much of a crazy person as I am.
Incidentally, it’s because of the 1-1-1 rule and irregular accenting.
~Chloe
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I, too, capitalize the pronouns and possessives. I do not use a lowercase “i.” I am entirely sure that my 4th grade teacher would come back from the beyond and KILL me if I ever, ever did that. I see no value to all that uppercase/lowercase slash business. My guess is that it is an artifact from spending too much time in chat rooms. Honestly, I don’t think that Master cares how I write these things, although IF He did, I’d surely comply. I do it where it makes sense to me in terms of what I intend to communicate, and I do not let silly and awkward conventions dictate otherwise.
Glad to meet you, and I really appreciated this post.
swan
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Chloe Reply:
January 20th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
swan~
Thank you for the comment! I really love your blog and I’m so happy to see you in mine.
While I do think my Master cares how I write, in terms of my clarity and content (to a degree), I don’t think he would have deep feelings either way if it were incredibly important to me to write lowercase i’s or something. But I have to admit… I was scared that after I posted this, just to mess with me for coming across as slightly uppity, Antonio would tell me I had to write like that for some period of time. And, of course, I’d do it.
And then there I’d be, with (lowercase) egg all over my face. So far, I’m in the clear…
~Chloe
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I do capitalize my pronouns, but because of personal preference not because I’m under orders. Sometimes a lowercase pronoun slips by me, and sometimes I correct it. *shrug* I’m not a fan of the “W/we” stuff. I have stopped reading posts because of it. I don’t use a lowercase “i” to signify my submission, either. Out of all of it, the “W/we” stuff bothers me the most. I can live with the others.
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In lurking farther down your page here, I have found your GrammarPunctuationSpellingNazi confession. Fear not. You are not alone. There are hundreds of us out there, though our gentle nudges toward correctivity are not always appreciated. Some of my gentle nudges include passing a misspelt sign, flipping a bitch and pelting into a store to harangue an unsuspecting shopkeeper, hair wild and elbows akimbo. I also once insisted on the “price advertised” at a grocery as they hadn’t learnt that you shouldn’t use both a decimal point and a cent sign unless you really want to move a product. Beasts.
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Chloe Reply:
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:02 pm
*snort*
Good for you!
I love knowing I’m not alone. I read your post on the improper use of “I” and “me” and I felt right at home. I didn’t comment though, because… Well, I only checked out your blog briefly, but it appears to be VERY un-BDSM (it’s focused on a game, yeah?) So I didn’t think a link back to me would be all that appreciated. But even if I’m not over there, know that I’m really happy you’re here!
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My blog is focused on the game, EVE Online. You’re always welcome to comment (though most of it may not make much sense. *grin*). I’m always trying to make new eFriends and I’m especially proud of your stance on your lifestyle. Bring on the link-backs, lady! <3
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First of all: great post! I just recently got into exploring the online world of open minded communities, and this plural capitalization thing struck me as unintelligible and silly. I found your post while trying to figure out what the bloody hell this was all about.
Secondly, I want to tell you that you’re not alone.
Finally, I wanted to suggest an additional counterpoint which occurred to me: How can one expect to be perceived as a perfectly submissive when one can’t even submit to basic grammar rules. Isn’t the intentional breaking of grammar rules itself an expression of an individualistic desire to rebel against authority. It’s iconoclastic, even. “I’m going to rebel against authority to show how dedicated I am to the principles of submission!” Seriously?
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Chloe Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Hi thom, and welcome! It took me a while to figure out what all that was about, too. I was very confused at first… I didn’t see the point. I do see the point of certain capitalization protocols – swan and kaya made some good ones, and they are SMART ladies… It’s not for me, but I can see where they are coming from. But I don’t see the point of other things, like slashy speak.
I’m not certain I’m following you on the submitting to grammar rules, though… It’s interesting, but strikes me as a bit of a semantic argument. Most people seeking submission are not seeking conformity to society – I don’t think they see those things as synonymous. Especially since our lifestyle is a bit “out there” when it comes to the rest of society. (That truth pains me a bit – I wish it were more acceptable and mainstream.) For me, I “submit” to grammar rules because I have a reverence for communication. It is THE strengthening core of my relationship – all my relationships, in fact – and I strive to increase the efficacy of my communication skills whenever and wherever possible. I have a problem with muddling my words and my message, especially when I’m crafting something for public consumption. The startling, stuttering effect things like “W/we” has on the written word is damaging to the essence and the message. And, for ME, it does not reinforce submissive feelings. It reinforces feeling a lack of clarity, and an effort to withdraw from the “rest of the world” rather than try to integrate and promote acceptance. I think it’s counterproductive to talk like that because it highlights differences, rather than similarities and MY purpose in blogging is to say “Hi, I might be a bit different, but let me show you who I am, and maybe you can see similarities, rather than differences.”
I dunno if I’m getting there, but I’m trying. And thank you, for this comment… It’s helped me remember my goals with a bit more clarity. Hope to see you around!
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Chloe,
I just stumbled upon your blog today. Recently, I have been exploring my own submissive desires, and it warms my heart to know that not all submissive are complete idiots. It has bothered me for some time now that most of the stories I read portray subs as brainless and incompetent blindly following orders. It sends me reeling back to my high school days where many of the girls (who were (not so) ironically the bane of my existence) dumbed themselves down to get attention from boys. I am glad you and the others who comment on your blog are breaking the stereotype. It encourages me to continue to explore my feelings. I plan to keep reading your blog.
Thank you
~~C
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Chloe Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Hello and welcome, C!
I’ve grown quite attached to some of the smart, intuitive, introspective, wonderful people who comment here too. There are some really great people and really great thinkers in this little blogging circle.
An yep… There are a lot of… “Interesting” stories and such about submission and slavery and all that. I remember stumbling across quite a few that made me want to pour battery acid into my eyeballs. I sort of think of it as an analogy. Those stories are to the reality of BDSM as hardcore porn is to a normal sex life. Total insanity!
Interestingly, I once had a therapist who hit the nail right on the head with me, though I didn’t see it at the time. I was 18, and just… Ugh. miserable. After 12 weeks of therapy she diagnosed me by saying, “You’re too intelligent and too intuitive for your own good.” It was completely true. I don’t live the life I do because I’m too stupid to do it any other way, I live it because I’m smart enough to know that it’s what’s best for me. My intelligence and intuition and creativity and personality can thrive when I don’t have to worry about the traps I set for myself, because I have the boundaries of submission/slavery.
I’m so happy to see you exploring your feelings. No matter the outcome – it’s a positive practice and experience to look into yourself. (Btw, a new and really good blog by a woman (and sometimes her husband) who is doing some exploring of her own is by Jane Marie Dee. The address is http://janemariedee.blogspot.com/ and I really urge you to check it out if you haven’t already! She’s very articulate, fun, and open in her recent self-exploration. And I hope she doesn’t mind me promoting her here. Heh.)
I hope to see you around!
~Chloe
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Hmm…the reply button under your reply to my comment doesn’t seem to work…
Anyhow, I’m glad my comment was of some value to you. As to my correlation between submissiveness and grammar: I considered the fact that submissiveness in a relationship had little bearing on conformity to society, but I figured that was social conformity that was a non-consideration. I also figured, as you mention, that most of us would prefer to not be singled out as radically different from mainstream, and indeed would wish to be recognized for our similarities instead of singled out for out differences. Therefore, I consider that the desire to be able to communicate in a way that would be clear and accessible to both the BDSM community and the rest of the world at the same time would be preferable. The “submit to my partner but not submit to grammar rules” comparison was kind of a tangent that popped into my mind when I was trying to compose what I submitted.
Again, thanks for sharing; I enjoyed the reading.
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