Guess what, guys, I’m submissive.

I realize this may be coming as a shock.

Why might you be shocked?  Well, because I don’t slaughter the written word in order to demonstrate my submission.

I don’t refer to myself as “i” nor do I refer to Antonio with capitalized pronouns. Unless he’s starting a sentence or I’m using a title or proper noun (like Antonio or Master), Antonio gets he, him, and his.

Now, I know not every submissive blogger commits these Heinous Grammar Crimes, but enough do to make me want to toss my computer across the room every once in a while.

I was not primarily indoctrinated into BDSM “culture” online, so I wasn’t all hip to the net-lingo. When I first started lurking in lifestyle blogs, I kid you not it took me two solid days to figure out what in the hell stuff like “W/we” meant. It just looked… Confusing. I think I said aloud at one point, to my computer screen, “What… The bloody hell… Is THAT about?”  One, because it’s just off-putting and makes it impossible to follow someone’s train of thought, and two, because sometimes I like to pretend I’m British.

(And let me just say right now… I am a firm believer in typos, I enjoy using improper grammar when proper grammar would sound insane, I think spelling the word “seriously” without vowels is a stroke of genius, the phrase “liek woah” used in all its internet glory makes me giggle, and, okay, I indulge in occasional lolcat’ing.)

But one reason I started keeping a blog is because I believe in communication. Productive, open, intelligent, public communication.

I have a love (that is bordering on reverence) for the English language and its ability to educate and unite people and ideas across vast distances and mind frames. And I truly hate to see this language butchered, especially in public.

Yes, that’s right, I’m the chick in the restaurant pointing out to the waiter that a misspelled word appears on the menu, the girl who corrects her professor’s grammar on exam questions, and the neurotic bitch who won’t stand in “10 items or less” lines because the flagrant misuse of “less” makes her want to vomit. Sue me.

But really, ask yourself, if you were trying to communicate in real life with English speakers from all walks of life and hoping to get them to listen to you, would you use loads of private slang, a regional dialect, and a heavy accent?  No.  So why, when you write in a public arena such as the internet, attempting to communicate with English speakers from all walks of life and hoping to get them to listen to you, are you pulverizing rules of capitalization? (And grammar and spelling and syntax, but those seem less submission-related.) Think about TV newscasters. There is a REASON that across the country, they ALL speak the exact same way, in what I’ve always called “region-free dialect.”  And before I begin nerdily obsessing over that… I’ll sum up this point: Communication across broad ranges, like TV or the internet, is done well ONLY when it’s done in a universal way. Period.

I guess maybe there’s some Super Secret Sub Club I never got invited to join, where everyone feels special for slinging unnecessary letters, capitals, and dashes in the middle of plural pronouns, but… For me, this blog is not about isolation from the vanilla world, or the world of people involved in BDSM who are not internet savvy. *shrug* That really could be just me, so this could be this is all a lost idea. It could be many people in the lifestyle blog publically, yet specifically don’t want anyone who doesn’t already share their exact point of view or doesn’t already know internet jargon to hear them. I mean, okay, cool. That’s just not me. (Another post on this idea to come soon, I can FEEL it… But back to the topic at hand…)

Simple fact is, the first of these two is clearer than the second:

•   My Master and I went to the store, where we bought apples to make ourselves a pie.
•   my Master and i went to the store, where W/we bought apples to make O/ourselves a pie.

I completely understand capitalizing titles. Those become proper nouns. Master, Sir, Owner, etc. If they are used in the place of a name (like “And then Master opened the door.”) it makes perfect sense to capitalize the title “Master.” Even though it makes less sense, I understand it even when it’s preceded by a possessive pronoun such as “my” or “your.” But still, I’m okay with it there – it makes sense for continuity, and it’s used more as a name than strictly a title.

However, it makes no sense whatsoever to make “I” lowercase, or to use multiple letters with different capitalizations to express basic plural pronouns such as “W/we.”

Sorry, no.  Epic Fail.

It reminds me of the text-type and internet-type flooding the online and wireless worlds of today. It all comes across as unreadable, uneducated, and obnoxious. Basically, the precise opposite of how I’d like to come across.

On a personal level, Antonio highly values my intelligence, my command of the English language, and my ability to express myself acutely and accurately. So, even if it were simply to show that I want to promote qualities within myself that are pleasing to him, I refuse to jeopardize those skills, in public or private.

To me, being clear and correct can actually be taken as an act of submission – of molding myself to embody traits that my Master respects and desires – to be precise and accurate in my written endeavors, to convey my intelligence and clarity. (Or, as I like to call it, my inimitable verbal prowess. *rawr*)

He wants me to shine. I want to shine for him. I do not want to look stupid or unclear, because it would reflect poorly on him. And that is a big NO.

If anyone out there has a Master who wants her to look uneducated or does not care if she communicates clearly with her audience, well, I’d understand the disregard for basic rules of English grammar in that case. There really would be submission in the act then. So in that case, go for it and go for it hard! Likewise, if he feels capitalization errors are a Very Important Symbol of Submission, and typing like a 12-year-old in AIM is somehow deeply subservient, okay, fine. Serve on, subs!

(Have I mentioned that I am mature and sweet every single minute of every single day, and I am never ever a snarky wench? Well, at this juncture, I think everyone needs reminding of that.  I’m a class act.)

Anyway, messing up basic grammar serves no purpose, not that I can see. I am no more submissive for looking like I can’t type, and I am no less submissive for using proper capitalization. And as I said before, I am possibly MORE submissive for writing correctly, as it is an exercise in presenting myself well.  So, if I were doing it? It would just be muddling my writing and my point.  Yours too, as far as I’m concerned.

That’s not to say I am not in favor of symbolizing submission, or even doing submissive things in public. I like displaying my subservient side just as much as the next proud slave.  My symbols just have to MATTER. 

I suppose some would say this does matter… They’d say this kind of typing is a subtle reminder of their submission.  For me, every time I type “him” or “he” when talking about Antonio, I am flooding with thoughts and feelings about him.  And those thoughts are are not magically magnified by the addition of the Shift key.  The Shift key holds no power over me.  Neener neener, Mr. Shift. 

As many things do, it comes down to a pros and cons list for me.  Even if I managed to subtly associate typing incorrectly with being submissive?  Would that be WORTH the price of being unclear, worth the price of displaying myself as less competent than I really am, and thus reflecting poorly on my Master?  Nope.  Not even close to worth it.

My purpose in writing anything I put in a public arena is to communicate clearly and effectively.  So I guess my question is – isn’t that your purpose too?

So why are you writing like that?

Does it actually demonstrate your inferiority to your Master/Sir/Owner or does it just demonstrate your inferiority to a first grader?

Honestly, do you think you would you somehow be acting dominating by writing things correctly?  Really?

Can’t we, as submissives or slaves (Masters too, if they are mandating this silliness), think of a better way to show our submission than sabotaging our own communication efficacy?

Just a thought. (Or, well, let’s call it a “question,” because I am honestly curious now.  Someone needs to answer me!  I MUST know!)