I was thinking about that post on faith…

And maybe I was wrong. Sort of.

Not in that I trust my Master with bigger things, and I exercise that trust more completely, more so even than if it were he and I in a vanilla relationship… That’s still true. I still think our dynamic elevates our trust, and our displays of faith in each other.

But maybe it’s not as simple as just elevated levels of trust.

Because I see vanilla couples who treat things like infidelity as stumbling blocks in their relationship. They survive it. They find out a partner is using drugs, and they work through it. They discover their partner has been communicating with an old flame, and they seem to accept that a partner would hide that, and then they fight about it, and eventually make up.

And I’m not saying Antonio and I would simply say, “Ah, man… You have an addiction? Well, it’s been a good run. Take care, and have a nice life. Bye!”

I just think… Well, hell, this is hard to put into words so it makes sense.

I just think if he and I had something on the same level of dishonesty as infidelity on our hands, our relationship would be beyond saving. Because we have these elevated uses of faith, breaches in our foundations of trust affect us more seriously. When you have more displays of intense faith, more things riding on your foundation of trust, the strength and integrity of that faith-foundation is more vital. The littlest cracks in that foundation are bigger problems, because so much more weight is resting on it.

Take for instance, on the simplest level, a trip to a store. To buy, um, a mug. (Try to bear with the crappy analogy…) Let’s say I broke a mug, a favorite of Antonio’s that I shouldn’t have been touching, and I got that little-girl fear and wanted to replace it without him noticing. So I went to the store, bought a new one, and replaced it. And let’s say he asked what I’d done that day, and I purposely left that little shopping excursion out of my report of daily activities. And then, say he found the receipt and figured it out.

He’d be pissed. I would have lied about where I went. And regardless of my reasons, I’d have lied and that would have been an issue. In another relationship, if I’d done that, he’d have no real reason to be pissed about it to the same degree. I didn’t say I DIDN’T go to the store, and I’m human, I’m my own person, I’m allowed to hide little things. White lies are a bit more commonplace (or, at least, they have been in my experience.) The little things, the little lies, the lies by omission about simple things, might not matter as much. But I think in my relationship, that little lie would have been a big deal. (Not huge, I imagine, but… Still something we’d have focused on and discussed and I’d have been punished for.) In another relationship, it might have just… Slid away.

That was a lame example and didn’t quite convey what I was trying to say. But I’m hoping you get my meaning.

Basically, I’m just musing… I guess it seems since we rely so much on our faith, because we test it so often, with such big things, it’s easier to break. It carries more weight than the average couple, and a smaller moment of dishonesty could have far more serious consequences, could leave far bigger marks. And something that wouldn’t break another couple could break us.

So does that make us weaker and unrealistic, if smaller things could break us apart? Or does it make us stronger and purer, since we expect more of each other? Is it unforgiving, and static, in the face of human nature, and human mistake? Or does raising the bar force us to rise to the challenge? Does the bigger burden on our foundation just give us a larger chance for failure, or does it necessitate added strength, and it allows us to grow deeper trust that will be strong enough to overcome anything?

Maybe we have an equal chance of falling on either side of the “this or that” equations. Maybe it just depends on how it’s handled. Hrm.