I tried to tell one of my girlfriends how power exchange increased trust between Antonio and me, and she took it as an insult. She responded with a VERY huffy, “Yeah? Well my boyfriend trusts me to actually make decisions for myself.”

*handface*

Needless to say, I was a little frustrated. And I know this lifestyle isn’t everyone’s idea of bliss, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to back down from this belief of elevated levels of trust. At least for me.

Faith is a muscle, and if you don’t use it, it atrophies.

In the context of my relationship, I exercise the hell out of my faith. I use, stretch, and test my trust in my Master on a daily basis, simply by the nature of how we interact.

(Btw, forgive me if I use “her” for submissive partners and “him” for dominant ones. I’m not trying to say that’s how it is or should be – it’s just how it is in my relationship, and it’s a LOT easier than saying “him/her” yanno?)

I know plenty of women (and men) in vanilla relationships who claim complete faith in their partners. But I know if seeds of doubt are planted – if they merely saw raised eyebrows from someone at the mention of infidelity – suspicion would be running rampant. And if someone outright said a partner was a cheater? These people would start snooping. They would scroll through the received calls on their significant other’s cell phone, take a peek at emails if they were left open (or maybe even if they weren’t), or start second-guessing when he or she goes “out for a drink with friends.”

A lot of people don’t seem to even need the suggestion that their partner might be straying to do that stuff. Sad, but true. They just assume their partner is not totally honest with them. I have the sneaking suspicion that’s because they are not totally honest with their partner.

Now, I’m not saying every vanilla couple always comes equipped with an unfaithful man and a mistrusting woman, or vice versa. And I’m not saying they are incapable of deep trust. Of course not.

I’m just saying I see mistrust in a lot of vanilla relationships, and that sort of basic mistrust is truly not an option in mine. And it’s because of the dominance and submission that I am not able to ever claim I have a level of trust I don’t truly possess.

Because in a vanilla relationship, I could say, “I trust you with my life.” But to say it in my relationship, I’m going to have to get blindfolded and bound and continue that thought with, “And now, I’m going to prove it.”

I don’t see it as just me, either. In sexual BDSM relationships, some of the harder, kinkier scenes involve incredible levels of faith. Both during and (sometimes more importantly) after.

During a scene, someone might be tied up, cuffed, blindfolded, gagged, chained in place, etc. And faced with pain, torture, mindfucks, solitude, or all of the above. The sub/slave/bottom has to trust the dominant partner to know her, to listen to her and respond accordingly (or know when to not respond at all), and not to harm her permanently.

That’s a hell of a lot of trust.

And of course the dominant has to trust the submissive. Consider a rape scene. During the scene, the submissive will have to trust her partner, obviously (or, I suppose, be a raging moron). But after the scene, the dominant has to essentially trust his life and reputation to his submissive. She could run, bruised and bloodied, to a police station. And with his skin under her nails, her body bruised and used, and his semen inside her, she could scream rape as loud as she wanted. And her dominant could be branded as a sexual predator. If it went to court and he went to jail, he’d have to register as a sex offender everywhere he lived for the rest of his life.

That’s a hell of a lot of trust too.

Trust in the bedroom is just one example. It exists (and sometimes translates) to the rest of my relationship, and to me, that’s the beautiful part. To know I can literally place my life in my Master’s hands means I can trust him implicitly in every aspect of our relationship.

If I saw raised eyebrows, or heard someone say my Man was a cheater, I could just smile and confidently say, “No. He isn’t.” That’s an incredible gift. And I believe it comes directly from my relationship dynamic.

Anyway, I was just a teensy bit irritated with that comment my friend made… I had to vent because she didn’t want to hear it, and you people don’t have a choice!