Comments on: No hard feelings http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2008/12/28/no-hard-feelings/ Wed, 08 Sep 2010 22:14:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: lalana http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/2008/12/28/no-hard-feelings/comment-page-1/#comment-9 lalana Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:23:11 +0000 http://obey.thenaturalorders.com/?p=48#comment-9 See... that's what I meant!!! When I write, it pours out - and sometimes the way I mean it, well... isn't the way it comes out at all. What I tend to do is project my OWN emotions onto Master. If something I'm going to say would sting me, I worry about how it will affect him. So far I've never been able to throw him into the emotional turmoil a simple comment would create for me, though. He's more self-assured than I am, and doesn't rely on me to feed his self esteem like I do him. But you summed it up in the line about saying things respectfully. Because the things I was thinking, feeling, and needing to write - I don't think they would have come out with any respect. When I'm in that mindset, there's no positives in my head, only negatives. I revert back to bitchy wife instead of well behaved slave, and it shows in my writings, my tone, and my interaction with Master. I have a hard time knowing what I want and need when I'm like that - so my biggest concerns are disrespecting him, or doing what I've done in the distant past... making him out to be some monster that he really isn't. Because he IS a good Master - it's just when I'm feeling the insanity, I forget that, and it becomes Always/Never Syndrome. I know the way I see him isn't realistic then. I've figured out a (sort of) way to do it - I'm going to write the "then" thoughts down, then follow them up with the "now" version. Give a more balanced perspective. If I had written it as it went through my head, anyone reading would have wondered WHY I was in such a miserable relationship, and thought that I no longer wanted to be his slave, which isn't true. I'm just a complete emotional roller coaster :) Beautiful post, btw :) lalana See… that’s what I meant!!! When I write, it pours out – and sometimes the way I mean it, well… isn’t the way it comes out at all. What I tend to do is project my OWN emotions onto Master. If something I’m going to say would sting me, I worry about how it will affect him. So far I’ve never been able to throw him into the emotional turmoil a simple comment would create for me, though. He’s more self-assured than I am, and doesn’t rely on me to feed his self esteem like I do him.
But you summed it up in the line about saying things respectfully. Because the things I was thinking, feeling, and needing to write – I don’t think they would have come out with any respect. When I’m in that mindset, there’s no positives in my head, only negatives. I revert back to bitchy wife instead of well behaved slave, and it shows in my writings, my tone, and my interaction with Master. I have a hard time knowing what I want and need when I’m like that – so my biggest concerns are disrespecting him, or doing what I’ve done in the distant past… making him out to be some monster that he really isn’t. Because he IS a good Master – it’s just when I’m feeling the insanity, I forget that, and it becomes Always/Never Syndrome. I know the way I see him isn’t realistic then.
I’ve figured out a (sort of) way to do it – I’m going to write the “then” thoughts down, then follow them up with the “now” version. Give a more balanced perspective. If I had written it as it went through my head, anyone reading would have wondered WHY I was in such a miserable relationship, and thought that I no longer wanted to be his slave, which isn’t true.
I’m just a complete emotional roller coaster :)

Beautiful post, btw :)
lalana

]]>